Chile Please

Sentences.

2011-11-03T14:59:00.004-04:00

Between the baby, relationship drama, new job I am exhausted.

I am happy with where my life is.

I'm never broke and my bills are paid.

BUT

I cannot find time for myself.

There aren't enough hours in the day.

I want to exercise.
Eat right.
Take my baby for a walk.
Go on a date with AG.
Look good.
Smile more.
Take some new pictures.
Learn how to sew.
Start a scapbook.
Paint my nails.
Try a new recipe.
Bake cookies.
Have a drink or two (or three or four:)
Be the life of the party.
And just be plain ole' fab.

CHILE PLEASE- Motrin is not helping!

Things done changed.

2011-10-06T09:46:00.007-04:00

hellooooooooooooooooooooo ALL!

Real quick:

ActivistGuy and I are still going strong.
The baby is going on 5mths and he is amaaaaazing.
I started a new job with non-zombie hours.

Love my life. Everything has worked out for the best. I am blessed. We all are.

How are my lovelies? I need to revamp and remodel this blog. The black is so melahcholy :( I'mma fix this place up.

I miss blogging. I have been writing lately (journaling) and it has renewed the fire within me to blog again. I log on sometimes and don't write a thing because I don't have the drama to talk about. No SexyJamaican or random date, or vodka induced exploit. I feel like I will bore you guys. Most days i'm about as exciting as a rock squeezed between 2 pieces of dry toast being eaten by Nick Cannon. My life has changed so much in the last two years. I'm a f*cking mom now?! And just to think I had dreams of being a hot bish driving around a candy apple red Corvette with a dope condo, donning expensive clothes and a man heaux.

Instead i'm a hot bish driving around a burgundy Lexus (love her), I live in a 3 bdrm house with a driveway..I rock targe', and I'm engaged to the love of my life.

I logged on about 20 mins ago and realized that this will be a different blog. I am still the same Lovely and will continue to share accordingly BUT..

CHILE PLEASE- Things done changed.

He's HEEERRRRRRRE!!!!!

2011-05-16T14:26:00.006-04:00

Ethan Amadi

CHILE PLEASE- Of all the love affairs I've had, none have ever felt like this.

Baby baby..oh BABY!

2011-05-03T19:15:00.010-04:00

So lets get right into it, shall we?

I'm 39 weeks and ready to deliver my baby boy. I'm 2cm and having irregular contractions. After being pregnant for over a year I am soOOooo ready to have my body back. Before getting preggers I was 112lbs and i've gained 30lbs: ALL BELLY! My legs have gotten bigger..boobs too. My ass stayed the same..ugh. That's the one place I needed it. Anywho, I'm due on Sunday which is also Mother's Day :). I'm gonna go walking on Friday to speed things up..

Next up,

ActivistGuy and I are having some serious relationship issues. So much so that I have stopped wearing my ring (for far more reasons than i'm about to speak about..that's a whole notha post--no BLOG chile!) He seems to think I don't care about our relationship and that I lack initiative and motivation. I say i'm a chillax ass kind of gal. I think that he is too Type A and high strung (I'm almost certain he has ADD). He say's he's motivated and destined for world domination (or something like it). When we have a discussion , we both agree on our issues, put forth a plan to change things but nothing happens. Now this is both our fault but he thinks it's more or less MY fault. I think he needs to chill the f*ck out and stop b*tching all the time. Everytime he walks in the house he's complaining about something. "Why is this here?" or "Why is that there".."Why didn't you do this?" or "Why did you do that?" Just so annoying to me. I feel like i'm walking on eggshells ev-er-y-day. On top of that i'm pregnant and my emotions are all over the place. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night we were watching the re-run of President Obama & Michelle on Oprah. Michelle spoke a lot about relationships, sacrifice, and particularly about how you have to "like" the person you're with. We had yet another discussion about our relationship today and told him "No" I did not like him all the time. *Le-sigh*..I don't know what to do. The baby is coming and we can't just walk away from this.

CHILE PLEASE- This is draining me just talking about it. I'll post more later!

25 Weeks and counting

2011-01-23T13:43:00.002-05:00

I'm nice and preggo. Today i'm 25 weeks. Yesterday was my 27th Bday. I didn't do much. ActivistGuy got beautiful flowers delivered and my mom-in-law sent an Edible Arrangement. My mom bought my traditional fav strawberry shortcake from Lynn's Bakery. YUUUMMMM!!

I ate and ate and ate for most of the day and watched the 4th season of the Wire. Activist Guy has never seen it before so i'm re-watching it with him.

The baby just kicked me :) He kicks a lot these days.

I'm oh so ready to go out on maternity leave but I have to fulfill my 1yr requirement, which means I have to stay working until April 5th. Baby is due May 8th (Mothers Day. cute!). So i'm trying to hang in there. I work 7p-7a, 3 shifts a week on a busy ass cardiac floor. Not to mention all the dump patients we get from other floors. Confused 92 yr old? Schizophrenic homicidal maniac? Enraged crack addict? Yea..we get 'e all. Not too mention all the beauracratic nonsense that goes on behind the scenes with managers and staff. It's pretty safe to say I hate floor nursing and am only doing it for the experience. I'd much rather work out of a docs office or be a school nurse. All that drama-drama, rush- rush is not for me. Which is why after I have the baby I probably won't return.

OK--Side note: I'm sitting here watching this documentary on Fit TV about "The Pregnant Man" ..Excuuuse me but that "man" is biologically a woman. A WOMAN!! with ovaries and a uterus. He/she is not a damn man so they need to stop being dramatic. ugh!

Activist Guy is on vacation until Feb. This pregnancy brings a whole different dynamic to our relationship. He has a type A personality and i'm Type B or whatever you wanna label it. Anywho, my emotions are up and down and even the slightest inclination that i'm doing something "wrong" by him sets me off. He say's he understands, but i'm convinced that no matter how hard he tries, he can't. I'm preggzilla sometimes and ge can't accept that. I like to relax on my days off but he always has to be a busy-body and wants me to be the same. This man can talk, talk, talk like nobodies business. Always running off to this or that meeting. Always trying to help someone in the community. While this is one of the things I love about him, it burns him out. I see it when he can't sleep at night or when he's on the phone nonstop. No doubt, he'll be successful one day but i'm worried that the baby may make him work even harder. *lesigh*

CHILE PLEASE- I'm hungry again.

The answer.

2010-12-12T23:17:00.006-05:00

Hola Lovlies!

Sorry to have left you all in suspense but the answer to your question:

YES, I'M PREGNANT!!

4 months and 3 weeks today. After the loss of our first child we were told to wait at least six months but it just didn't work out that way. We are very happy at this point in our lives. ActivistGuy (now my fiance, so maybe I should give him a new name) is now in grad school and working on other numerous projects, while I still work night shift on the cardiac floor.

A lot is going on in my life...

My father recently had a stroke (which is a whole 'nother post in itself chile) and my mother fell and hurt her knee (she's actually going in for surgery tomorrow) So yea.....it's pretty safe to say that i'm trying to balance out all these things and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

With that said..
It's hard to post but I am going to keep this blog running. Sometimes it's the only way I have to vent my feelings to a complete arbitrary audience without receiving an opinion that's biased. I love you all for taking this ride with me. I go back and read posts i've written a year ago and wonder where the f*ck my head was. It's been a fun ride so far and I have plenty more stories to tell.

CHILE PLEASE-- Let's keep going...:)

Finally posting again.

2010-09-28T20:45:00.002-04:00

Soooo...I abandoned this place. There has been a LOT going on in my life since I last posted. Some good, some bad.

The GOOD:

1. ActivistGuy and I are still together. We got engaged on Valentine's Day this year. Ironic since I used to hate Valentines Day. We live together now and still actually like eachother (most of the time lol:) Our wedding is set for July 22nd, 2011.

2. I finally got rid of my jalopy and got a new car. Well, it's not new new, but it is a Lexus..HONK HONK bitches!!

3. I got out of the Psych Hospital I was working at and took a job on a cardiac floor at a busy hospital. (this isn't exactly good though. I hate the floor but it pays the bills for now.

4. I'm an auntie! My little sister just had a baby girl last week. Auntie Lovely in the houuuuse!!!

The BAD:

1. Most of you knew had got the hint that I was pregnant the last time I posted. Unfortunately we lost our son when I was 5 months pregnant this summer. I don't want to go into detail but as you can imagine this has been very difficult for us. I have been up and down for the last few months. With the help from, God, family and friends I....we have been able to get through this ok. I struggle with his loss everyday but I have faith in knowing that my son in better needed in heaven.

CHILE PLEASE- I take the good with the bad knowing I have been blessed--again....

Gather 'round lovlies

2010-02-22T15:39:00.003-05:00

Let me start of by saying these past couple of months have been busy, stressful, beautiful and life changing. Lets start off with the update and i'll give the good news at the end. Lets start off with work.

I got my 1st nursing job at a psych hospital back in December. I work as a pool nurse so the $$$ is good. I work with mentally ill people but sometimes I think the staff need to turn in their keys and have a seat next to the patients. In the meantime i've still been going on interviews at hospitals.

ActivistGuy

We've been dating since last August and things have been going great. Not saying that everything is perfect. We argue and get sick of each other just like any other couple. Last month he took me on a surprise trip to Manhattan for my birthday weekend.

Ok, I can't hold in the good news anymore:

I'm ENGAGED!!! Activist Guy proposed to me on Valentines Day :)

and more good news!!

I got a job at a hospital!!!!!!!

and...

I'm.....................

CHILE PLEASE- I'll save that for next post

I am alive.

2010-01-12T20:49:00.002-05:00

CHILE PLEASE- just thought you should know that.

The Cosby Effect

2009-12-16T17:03:00.012-05:00

I have been M.I.A. I wish I could post more but circumstances that allow me to post as frequently as i'd like have deterred me from doing so.

........Ok, enough with the snooty ass language: I've been busy as hell yall.

Jobs

I finally started my first nursing job. I'm in orientation right now and it's long, draining, and boring. But hey...at least i'm getting paid! I'm a little nervous since it's psych but I think I will do well.

Men..(well the one that I do have)

Idk. Things have been good but things have also been rocky (perhaps even boulderous). I guess that's the cornerstone of any relationship. Problems and sh*t...attitudes and sh*t...

"Why do you breathe funny?!"..."Why do you chew like that?!" and sh*t.

(I swear I been reading too much VSB's..and sh*t lol)

It's pretty safe to say that the honeymoon period is over with me and Activist Guy. We still have our boo love moments but all of the OD cutesy hello kitty crap is out the window like Tiger Wood's dork ass image.

There are times I question if i'm really cut out for this. I love him so why does this relationship crap have to be so difficult??? One day we're doing great and the next I want to strangle him (and vice versa). That brings me to the conundrum: The Cosby Show seriously effed up my perception of what a good black relationship should be (not too mention mom spelled my name exactly like Rudy's real name aka "Keshia"). I was raised by my mom mostly and saw very few, if any positive lasting black relationships. I thought that once I found the perfect man, all i'd have to do was perform a neck snap & a few side eyes when ole Hubby got outta pawket. And all he had to do was talk funny and tell stories that no one understands. Well...not really but I thought it'd be fairly easy if we tolerated each other. Come to find out, good relationships are about as tolerable as the people involved. I mean, if all the Claire Huxtable's of relationshipville had to worry about was their Cliff's sneaking a hoagie or two; Well, life would be splendid! Go on and get that hypertension babay!!

Alas, we are not. Cliff was not perfect and neither was Claire. I mean cmon...did you really think there were black people named Cliff & Claire? methinksnot. And i'm sure the Huxtables did some freaky sh*t now and again. How else do we explain Denise being all rebellious and glowstickish?She was a bastard child! Out of wedlock, indeed. Ike and Tina is more realistic than a lawyer & OB doc (further evidence that Cliff Huxtable was a perv).

So with that said i'm going to continue to fight the good fight (like Ike or Chris Brown or Elin Nordegren) and work on this thing. I have trust issues and he has issues. We have issues. But I think as long as we work on them, we'll work it out.

CHILE PLEASE! Episodes are rehearsed, you only get one take at life. Annnnnd ACTION!

Right now.

2009-11-23T21:49:00.004-05:00

I'm in a good place. Here's a few reason's why:

I found my 1st job as a RN!!!!!!! Making double the $$$ I thought i'd be making. Schwweeeeeeet!
ActivistGuy and I are still going strong. We've had a few small spats but nothing serious at all. We're always out and about doing stuff and I wonder how I ever was content with being single.
I'm just generally happy all around. I remember this past summer after graduating when I didn't have a job how depressed I was. I was a walking rain cloud. A real Debby-ass-downer. Now i'm just a big ole ray of gay sunshine! (no lesbo)
I started a personal challenge to grow my hair. My hair is already a decent length so I am not bald-head scallywag! But I love wearing my natural hair. Plus who wants to have itchy weave sweaty scalp during sex? No bueno! I've stopped perming, weaves, and all that extra crap. I wash and condition every week and make sure it's wrapped every night. So far it's grown a 1/2 inch longer in 6wks. YAY me!
I've simultaneously stopped my bad habits: Popping bumps on my face, playing with my nipples, and picking my teeth when nervous. Ugh, I know :/

And that's about it...So umm. yea. No drama to speak of so if I failed to entertain you.

CHILE PLEASE- That's what the archives are for.

Honesty Check

2009-10-27T17:44:00.009-04:00

There are good men out there. I found one. And this is coming from a former "Ni**as Ain't Sh*t" board member.
I need to start taking responsibility for fu*cking up. Even for small things. I admit I can be a spoiled brat sometimes.
I do care what people think about me. Just not as much as I used too.
I hate being the picture taker at events because I always end up in like 2 fuggin pics with my head cut off..WTF?! I'm gonna start leaving my Nikon home..hmph!
The 5lbs I gained went straight to my hips & thighs. Though I pretend not too like it..I'm happy I finally got ass now!! Woot Woot!
Activist Guy loves politics and all that gub'ment stuff. I have limited interest. When we go to these political events I feel out of place, bored, and oggled by creepy old men.
Activist Guy talks waaaaay too much. That's my baby..but sometimes I wanna tell him to STFU! ..This brings me to #8
I should probably talk more.
Rough sex doesn't feel good. We just do it for you. Which brings me to #10
After I cum. "Wrap it Up B!"

CHILE PLEASE!: I'm just sayin' how I feel.

Goat herders>>>Semmi Ass N*ggas

2009-10-13T15:10:00.006-04:00

FTW!!!!

Sooo..from the comments about the Activist Guy announcement it's clear that you all wanna know when this happened. Well my lovlies, here goes:

Well, it actually happened about 2 weeks ago. Initially, I started going to his house to watch Trueblood because my cable was cut off. I was still feeling the aftershocks of SJ's latest saga so I was wary of AG's advances. After awhile I said 'what the hell, let me see where this goes'. Since then, we've spent the last 2 months together. This past month we've been together almost every day. I met some of his family, and last week, his mother. They all like me. My family likes him. Mom lovvvvves ♥ him after I bought him to church with me

Everytime we went out ppl would ask if we were together. After replying "No" ppl would say:

"Well you should be! You two make a cute couple!"

LOL. So after the FB status changing debacle..one day I just said "fuck-a-hater" changed my status and profile pic.

Now, i'm not gonna lie..I was shaking like a fiend w/no crack. I felt like I was missing out on dating and the single life. Felt like my playette card was being revoked. Felt like my hotness stock was going to plummet :/

Felt like I needed to stop making excuses. I got over and changed it. Besides, if this doesn't work out I can always change it back, right?? Afterward, I saw a few meriod laden status' from past flings and a few msgs from guys I didn't even know liked me. Too late!!!

Activist Guy is nerdy, obsessed w/politics, wears Doc Martin's and has a funny laugh. Some would even call him weird. But he's my weirdo! He is also thee most handsome, caring, considerate, loving man I have ever been with (not to mention his large penis *Kanye shrug*). He is dedicated to his work in the community and is a role model to inner-city youth. I'm done with the jerks, frat boys, & pretty boys. Ole "I am in desperate need of a manicure" ass n*ggas.... Ole "Please do not take my pocket change" ass n*ggas.

No more crying a ocean for a nilla who wouldn't bat an eyelash for me.

And, I don't like getting all religious on here but i'm truly blessed to have him in my life. I don't know where this will go but I am strapped in for the ride with a smile on my face.

CHILE PLEASE-You diseased rhinocerous pizzle can go choke on Soul Glo!

Attention All:

2009-10-12T18:14:00.003-04:00

Activist Guy is my boyfriend.

CHILE PLEASE- I even changed my facebook status :)

Meriods.

2009-09-28T22:01:00.012-04:00

My new made up word. Do mention me on twitter if you plan to steal my sh*t..I'm just sayin....

What are the origins of my new favorite word not in the English language (yet) you might ask?

Well, over the last say uhhhh...ALL MY LIFE on this earth I have come to the conclusion that men undergo some sort of crisis or variation of the "The Curse" every month. You know Adamn was like: "Damn, Eve..you know you ain't gone finish alladat by yo'self"

From interrupting pre-pubescent double-dutch games to interrupting Taylor Swift, men have evolved from annoying in childhood to annoying-er in adulthood. Uncle Mo comes to visit those XY chromosomes when Aunt Flo kicks his ass for gettin all "I'ma let you finish BUT..."

Now i'm not talking about the typical male behavior..I.e: Leaving the toilet seat up, ignoring me during a game, perstering me for sex all thee time, farting, belching, cheating..ectera ectera and so on and so forth. Meriods are different. These Ralph Tresvantish fits come out of absolutely nowhere. Men may not endure the painful cramps, bleeding, and random cravings of hunger for lays chips and only green peanut M&M's (ok, maybe thats just me :/) but meriods exist. They are like Lady Gaga's penis. We all know its there, we just haven't seen it (and don't want too *shuddersx10*)

Case in point: AG had a Meriod last night when I told him I wasn't coming over after spending thee entire weekend with him(met some of his family..that's a whole notha post chile). My excuse?: I'm waiting for UPS to deliver my new phone (my G1 screen went funky on me), AND I was dead ass tired. He damn near had a hissy fit and told me that he see's that my phone is "more important" and that I have two choices "wait for my phone, or come and let him peen poke"(ok he didn't say the last part but you know he was thinking that sh*t!)

MERIOD alert!!!! MERIOD alert!!! Pop 2 Midol, shove a Tampax up that ass and call me in the marnin!

Ugh. I seriously had no idea where that spike in estrogen came from and I didn't like it uno bit. Later he called me and told me that he was "just joking" but the soprano in his voice indicated otherwise. I chaulked it up as his first Meriod with me and gave him a pass.

That's just one incident..Plenty more where that came from. But ladies what are you experiences with MERIODS? Men, please feel free to join in with yall meriod havin asses.

CHILE PLEASE- You try squeezing something the size of a small watermelon out your pee-pee hole!

To label or not to label? & Lamar Odom lookin-bishes

2009-09-22T16:03:00.016-04:00

First things first..
This is a long one since I haven't posted in awhile but oh well. Get over it!

I went on my big job interview out of state. It went well. I appeared and sounded professional. I definitely showed my interest for the job and asked great questions. I followed up with "thank you" letters and called. It's been a week and 2 days. I haven't heard anything back but I am expecting to hear something this week. I'm still optimisitic. **crossing my fingers**

Labels?
Me and Activist Guy still hanging out. He took me 2 a Phillie's Game last week. Even though baseball isn't my sport of choice (i'm a basketball girl) it was still a good time. Phillies had a Grand-Slam and everyone went wild but me..Ooops! I thought Grand Slam was just something they served at Denny's :/ Afterward, I felt so bad. AG was screaming like a crazy person and here I was spitting my sunflower seeds out ever so daintly. I had no idea it was that big of a deal LOL! But on to the labels...whathaveu..

He asked me if he should change his status to "In A Relationship" on FB and I told him "nah". There's a few reasons why: The main reason is IDK if I want to throw a label on what we have yet. Labels usually fuck shit up. The second reason is that he told me he didn't want another "girlfriend"..I don't particularly know what he meant by that but what I think he meant was that he wanted more than just a "girlfriend"..Third reason I don't want to make it official on these social networking sites is that people are fucking nosey. People are haters. And while i'd be more than happy to let them hate..I just don't need the extra fuckery in my life. If we make it official i'll def let you all know but for now..we are "label-less."

Other shit
While I was over at VSB's reading this post about "closure" I was reminded that I needed to post on something that happened:

Chocolate's (yall remember him right?) punk ass hopped out the woodwork and requested me on FB. Innit that special???????

For those that don't know him, Chocolate and I dated for a few mths last summer, until the motherfucker up and stopped calling me out the blue one day. No texts, no nothing!! Just straight disappeared on me without so much as a "Fuck you."

So >>FastForward to this past Friday (this is the response I left on VSB btw)

He requests me on FB (funny cause when we were dating he was adamant about not signing up for FB..whopteefuckinDOO!) and sends me a message like everything was good. “Hey lady”.. So, I approve him (cause you know I wanted him to see what a success i’ve become and look at my 37 albums of fineness) but I naturally I asked him WTF was up w/that Houdini act he pulled? His response:

“I tried to tell you..I just wasn’t ready so I stepped off”

“You ain’t tell me sh*t!”<—is what i wanted to respond but instead I told him how immature he was. Also told him it was in the past and i'm past it. On to the next one……………….whathaveu.

So yea, I felt like I needed closure but at the end of the day it really doesn't matter. He never apologized..(EVER)..I don't think i'll ever be satisfied w/that bitchass explanation so I just let it go.

CHILE PLEASE-

I'm more satisfied with knowing:
Me = Halle Berry
His baby moms = Lamar Odom with Remi Hair

Wading Thru

2009-09-07T14:57:00.011-04:00

I been job searching and i'm out of that depression I was in. I'm also happy to say that i've had a few interviews. One at a psych hospital which i'm still waiting to hear back from and a nursing home. BUUuuuuut the biggest of the interviews is this Friday at one of the best hospitals in the U.S. I will refrain from naming said hospital (if you follow me on twitter than u already know) but if and when I get the job i'll make the annoucement. If I get the job at said hospital I will have to relocate out of state and with that comes a new career, life, friends, apartment, and car. But until i'm sure i'm gonna try and keep mum about it. To be continued...

Yea so..
Me and Activist Guy have gotten closer in these last few weeks. He's been rather patient with me for the past..damn..it's almost been a year since he started pursuing me. But yea, I went over his house to watch Trueblood (best f*ckin show on TV btw) a couple weeks ago and since then we've gotten closer. I won't say how close but close enough. This is all new to me. I've dealt with assholes for so long that idk how to interpret his actions. Is it the trial period? Or is he really sincere? Methinks its a bit of both. Here's a list of the sweet things he's done so far:

1. He gives me massages when I don't even ask. Even my feet lol
2. Kisses me on the forehead in the morning :)
3. Takes me to places and shows me new things..art galleries, restaurants I wouldn't normally eat at..
4. He even cooked breakfast for me a few times
But best of all...
5. He listens.

Listens to me bitch and complain about my mundane ass life when I think his is 80303430493049x more interesting. He's into ME. I feel like it was always the other way around with my love life. I was always stuck on some loser *coughSJcough* that wouldn't give me the time of day. Now I have someone willing to take on the challenge of trying to love me. And sometimes I am a very hard "me" to love.

I want to say this is the start of something good but at the same time I am cautious to put myself outthere so soon. Vulnerability and stupidity go hand in hand. I've been here before (if only for a short while *coughChocolatecough* but AG feels like he is making a sincere effort. Genuine in his words and following through with his actions. I, on the other hand,feel like something is holding me back but I can't express it in my own words so here's an analogy that kinda explains how I feel:

Imagine walking through a scorching desert with the sun beating down on your head for 3 days.  You spot a body of water in the distance and dash through the hot sands to cool off.  After what seems like an eternity you reach the cold blue waves of reprieve.  You go to jump in until you realize--You can't swim.

CHILE PLEASE- Wading gets old after awhile. Guess it's time I took swimming lessons.

Short and Sweet

2009-08-22T22:19:00.004-04:00

Job Search- Didn't get the job I had 3 fuckin interviews for! They went for someone more experienced. Yea, more experienced in eating open-faced mayo sandwiches and wearing birkenstocks. Fuck them. Still putting out apps. Thinking about moving out of state.

SexyJamaican- Moved in with his lazy-eyed g/f. He still doesn't think I know about this whole fuckery fest. Trying to forgive him (for my sanity) and move on.

Activist Guy- He is a mini Barack Obama with glasses. Always doing this and that for the community. He's is over vigilant at times and that annoys me. I miss him.

Other mens- Even though I miss AG. Still not interested in the peen havers. Still annoyed when I feel one undressing me with his eyes. Which brings me to my next subject...

Sex- *cues Jill Scott-Celibacy Blues*

Jalopy- In and out of the shop for 3 weeks. Just got it back today. Running fine. Can't wait to buy a new car.

Fam- Mom started ushering in church. I am proud of her. Just 6 years ago she was smoking and drankin and carryin' on like the heathen I am now. Go mom!

Friends- Not in the mood to chum it up. Was supposed to attend BBQ w/my girl. I forgot all about it until she called and left an irritated cunty ass message. This girl just does not know what i'm going thru right now. She'll get over it.

God- I been talking to him a lot lately. Faaaar from a saint, but I'm trying to become more spiritual than i've been these past several years. Trying to stop cursing (out loud anyway lol)

CHILE PLEASE- just ...chile please at everything right now!

Showing ♥ to my readers!

2009-08-06T16:59:00.004-04:00

Ok, so i'm transitioning back into the blog world. I really love my readers and all the comments & advice you leave me. Your words and encouragement have gotten me through many a'drama. Whether it's one sentence or a paragraph, I appreciate all of you!

With that said i'm going to try my best and highlight a blogger a week. So don't fret if I don't get to you one week, i'm gonna try to get to everyone who leaves comments on the regular (Complex, Mimi, IntrospectiveGoddess, HoustonGirl, Insatiable..the list goes on :) Here goes. First up...

Tha Unpretentious Narcissist

This man must read my mind because his comments are always on point. Giving me a dose of reality like it was medicine yall. Plus I love the male perspective when it comes to their fellow peen-havers. I can't tell if he's fine or not (come out from behind that black & white!) but he sure looks good to me. Add him to your rolls...

CHILE PLEASE- If it wasn't for my readers...

Be patient for patients

2009-08-04T11:15:00.009-04:00

Patience is a virtue.

Well, as a new grad RN I need patients.

Still looking for a job. I had 3 interviews for one hospital but still waiting to hear back. The recruiter who did my interview is out on vacation (who does that?) and says that I will get a definite answer next week *le sigh*. I truly think I got the job but i'm still putting out a ton of applications as a back up plan. I'm ready to move out and start my life. I find myself getting depressed. I log onto FB and see all my friends taking trips and here and there. I feel soooo-stuck. And while things could be much worse; for instance, I could be a welfare mom stuck in the projects like so many of my other hood homegirls. I still feel like I should be doing way better. The only thing that's keeping me from swangin from a pole is my dignity.

Mens..
Where shall I begin? Ok, I realize i'm 25 years old and have never really had any healthy male relationships to speak of. Including my father. He fades in and out of my life like the seasons. It's a shame really. And I don't wanna be that 26 year old heffa talm'bout "Niggas Ain't Shit." With that said, i'm learning how to let things go (which is hard seeing as tho how much i've been hurt in the past) and focus on myself. Truth is I don't know how to do that. How do you 'focus on yourself?' To me it means refraining from the male species (i.e, not talking to the XY chromosomes or getting all giddy when a peen-haver looks my way, no new dates or old flings) Since this last episode w/SJ i've noticed a very drastic change of attitude when it comes to men. I don't get excited when a man tries to approach me--just very annoyed. When I notice some man eyeing me I immediately throw shade. I'm pretty much the bitch I never was. Before having my heart shattered, I could never tell a guy "no" that asked for my number, fearing that I'd come off like high-siddity...Now i'm handing out the 'Ms. Lovely Side Eye of Death' before they even get the words out:

I seriously don't want to be bothered with ANYONE right now. I've lost most if not all interest in the male species as a whole. The heartache is not worth it too me. I'm tired of ppl saying: "One day you'll find a good man." Well I hope he finds his damn self first before he starts on that expedition to my heart. Shoot, i'm still trying to find myself :/ Plus, with this cynical outlook I have about relationships right now it's like "why even try Lovely?.."

CHILE PLEASE- My patience for being patient is running might thin. Pfft!

Déjà vu

2009-07-27T17:22:00.008-04:00

So, here's the post you've probably been waiting for. Long but I had a lot too say.

SexyJamaican has a girlfriend--again.

After that Halloween party where we reunited again we were "cool"

>>FF 6 months

I graduated. He graduated and came home. Didn't really know where things were going but it was fun to have him around. After all the fuckery between us we still tolerated eachother and were pretty good friends. We were hangin out..chillin..having sex here and there....(everywhere). I started wondering when things would switch up. I got the answer last month. I notice he's acting funny on me. I start seeing some chick pop up on his FB, his status' are suspect, and I put the pieces together. So instead of being quiet about it like last time, I speak up and ask him if he's seeing/dating/fucking anybody else. The answer to all three--NO.(with a straight face yall). He say's that he's not ready for a relationship..he's focused on his career..blah blah bullshit..and the reason he pulled away is that he saw me falling for him again. I half-heartedly believe this. My Woman's Intuition is telling me theres more to this story, and that bitch NEVER lies. A couple weeks later he gets a new job and has to relocate out of state. So like the lil investigator I am..I do some searching and find out the girl leaving messages on his FB has her heart set on relocating with him (along with some other tidbits that would make an unstable woman slash a tire or two) The man would be a pretty good liar if he only kept his shit off the internet (stupid). I confront him again (not with all the facts..just general shit). Again-he lies to me. Instead of breaking out the evidence on his ass, I pretend to believe him. Made his ass dance like Bojangles with all the lies and stories he conconcted to cover his ass.

I did this up until the day before he left. He noticed when I stopped looking him in the eye. I guess his guilty conscience kicked him in the ass and he tried to show me love he should've been showing: smiled at me more, tried to make me laugh, hug me, forehead kiss me *sigh*. Shit, i'll admit it..We even had goodbye sex (protected). I guess I just wanted to validate too myself how much of a liar he was (and get some peen in the process.Don't judge me!). The day he finally left I got sick of hurting and decided to end it. I texted him and told him that I couldn't talk to him anymore and that he knew why.

My ass was heartbroken again..chest all heavy, felt like I couldn't breathe, sleep, didn't eat, lost weight, cried, walked around like a fucking zombie for a few weeks. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt.

In a way, I feel like this is all my fault. I felt stupid for knowing what the man was capable of and still allowing myself to fall into his trap. How's that saying go?: "Fool me once shame on you..fool me twice....(you know the rest)" But you know what? That's life. Most importantly, it's MY life. I lived and learned. No one can tell you shit when you're in a situation like that; not even yourself. After it happened, I didn't tell my friends because I felt like they would say.."Oh well, you shoulda known blah blah blah" and that's the last thing I wanted to hear! I haven't talked to him in a couple weeks and that's how I want to keep it. Don't know if ole girl moved with him and don't care. He wants a stupid girl and she doesn't seem like the sharpest butterknife in the drawer. He's always gonna be a playin ass player. Just not with me. Anymore.

CHILE PLEASE- Speak on it.

Liar.

2009-07-13T21:41:00.005-04:00

There is nothing I detest more in this world than a stone cold liar. Give me 1000 yeast infections and it wouldn't irritate me more than being lied to. To my fucking face.

If you're gonna lie be a good one and keep your shit off the internet. It's 2009 and anyone can find out anything. Sick of duplictous ass mofos who don't realize the hole they've dug has already caved in on their ass.

10 Reasons you should just tell the TRUTH--Liar!

1. I'm gonna find out anyway
2. It's stupid.
3. You make yourself look stupid
4. I'm gonna find out anyway dumbass
5. I'm gonna find out anyway stupid dumbass
6. I'm gonna find out anyway jerkface
7. I'm gonna find out anyway punk ass
8. I'm gonna find out anyway idiot
9. I'm gonna find out anyway skunt bucket
10. I'm gonna find out anyway you LIAR!

So g'head. Do what you do, but if you can't keep it 100 w/folk then you probably shouldn't be doing stupid shit that you have to lie about in the first dayum place.

I'm Sick of this boy/girl shit. Men lie. Women lie to themselves. The shit is stupid. At the moment, I can sincerely say that I do NOT believe in romantic love. Relationships are built on a bed of lies covered with soft satin sheets.

CHILE PLEASE!- I'd rather sleep on the cold hard floor.

Ms. Lovely is a Registered Nurse!!

2009-07-04T09:57:00.004-04:00

It is official. Yes, Ms. Lovely is alive and well. I took a hiatus from blogging because I was studying for my NCLEX (and going through some major fuckery which I will explain later). I took my test Thursday..I was the last one to get registered and the 1st to leave with 75Q. If any of my readers are nurses they know that 75 can be a good or bad thing. Couldn't sleep last night thinking about my results. I logged on today and paid the 8 bucks for the 48hr results and there it was "Pass." A nurse..RN, BSN motheruffas!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so hype right now. Only if you knew what I have been going through for the last 2 weeks (again, will explain next post..)

I feel like nothing can hold me back now! By September I should have a new car, apt, and sense of accomplishment I have never felt before. I am through with the bullshit ass men, liars, cheaters, fake ass friends, and skank bishes who try to bring me down with their words and actions. From now on it's all about ME, ME, ME, ME,ME...forget about YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU...lol..

Today will be a good day. I am going out with one of my classmates and then to a friend's BBQ to celebrate proper with major fuckery to ensue!

CHILE PLEASE!- “I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass"--M. Angelou **KICKING ASS!**

Low scores: Sex & Tests

2009-06-11T11:22:00.008-04:00

So I finally got the authorization to take my NCLEX exam next month! WooHoo! I'm about to be a registered nurse yall! I took a review course but I still keep getting 50's & 60's on the practice tests (don't look at me like that..these questions are HARD!) so I got a lot of studying to do before then :( The job search hasn't showed me any good outcomes yet, but i'll keep trying. Right now Jersey sucks when it comes to hiring new nurses(stupid economy). I'm thinking about relocating to the DMV area..i'll keep you updated and let you know..

Moving onnnnnnnn...

Sex. I haven't talked about it in awhile.

I need it.
I crave it.
I want it.
I love it.

Despite all my carnal desires...I also love to be...

Held.
Caressed.
Kissed
Stroked--slowly.

You know, "made love to"

I've realized that I haven't felt that way in a loooong time (since my crazy ex BlackMon). Yea, the occasional "break-my-back" session is necessary, but not all the time. Things starts off slow and you can't wait for whats about to go down. Next thing you know he's bunny uffing you...Playing tetherball with your fallopian tubes and whatnot! *sigh* And yes, the dillznick is good sir, but slow the EFF down! and stop stroking like it's going out of style. It's not appealing, nor very pleasing to me in the end. He started at at a solid 90% but he's slowly fallin off..So yea, maybe he needs a little practice and maybe I need to be more vocal about what's gonna be on the test because these scores are becoming unacceptable.

I know what you're thinking: "Well, say something to him!"...I have :/....during. So yea, he's so far gone like Drake by then and all attempts to change the pace are futile. Blah.

Anybody else have this problem?

CHILE PLEASE-- Then I ask myself: Don't you have to be in love...to make love?

Graduation!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-06-04T14:18:00.009-04:00

I did it!!!!!! On May 21, 2009 I became a college graduate with my Bachelors of Science in Nursing :) All the studying and stress..crying and careplans...None of that deterred my determination to succeed. The ceremony was a long one but it was worth it. When my name was called my family was loud like black ppl are LOL

And I usually cry at things like this but I was so overwhelmed with happiness that I didn't shed a tear. All that's left for me to do is pass my NCLEX this June and start working. But rest assure, this is not the end. I'm going back for my Masters & Nurse Practitioner. Chile, i'm tryna retire early...

2 days before graduation was the traditional Nurse Pinning Ceremony :)
Had so much fun..and my crazy aunts started a Soul Train Line..LOL!
Then my mom threw me a surprise graduation party
Good Times!!!!

Ok, so after all the festivities I had to move back home and I must say it's been a struggle because space is so limited. All I want is to just start making money and live on my own. Guess it's a case of post-graduate blues. Yesterday I lied in bed all day and cried damn near half of it. I know it's only a matter of time before things start looking up so i'm gonna try and *WOOSAH* and pray for patience.

I have so much more to tell yall but I know how annoying a long post is..I'ma cut it short here and update again tomorrow..

CHILE PLEASE-It's over..so now what?

Black Women: A few observations:

2009-05-13T16:54:00.020-04:00

I know you all probably get tired of hearing me talk about my fuckery so here's a few questions and suggestions about black women. If you're mad..I'm probably talking about YOU..

1. Why do women grip their boyfriends tighter and shoot daggers when an attractive(or unattractive) young lady walks past? Seriously though..he's the one looking! How about you just gouge his eyes out sweety? I'm certain that will stop him from staring..Pfft!

2. Why are black women so catty to other black female co-workers? For example: When I used to work at Victoria's Secret my supervisor (black woman) told me I could go on break "whenever". Well, when I decided to go on break she say's "I never told you that"..I coulda choked the bitch. Another incident is when I started working at the bank. She was the only black woman working there before me. I swear it took her a month to speak to me..ugh.

3. Why are black women always yelling/spanking at their kids in public? It's so tacky and necessary. If the kid acts up just whisper a threat in their ear like my mom used to do.."Wait till we get to the car..Ima whoop yo A$$!" LOL. No need to be all loud and ig'nant up in Walmart. Trifling..I swear..

4. "Babymommas"--Stop thinking your baby's father wants to be with you because he slid you the peen with a side of diapers. One of the things my males cousins(with 7 kids might I add LOL) told me is that a nilla will always have the option to EFF the mother of his child--because she will LET him. It doesn't mean he wants to be with you. One of the main reasons I refuse to be a "baby momma."

5. Addendum to #4--Stop harassing the next chick. There are some good guys who don't cheat with the "baby mommas"(gawd I hate that phrase) and genuinely want to start a new relationship. As the next chick, we understand that you have a child with the man...but seriously...Stop with the fuckery.

6. Stop wearing slippers and/or pajama pants out in public. It's tacky. It's one thing to run to the mailbox..But to the mall?? P.S-Scarves/net caps in public make you look like a sewer rat as well.

7. Any hair color that does not occur in nature should not be upon the crown of your head over the age of 21 or unless it's Halloween. Thee end.

CHILE PLEASE- There's plenty more where that came from..Black men, you're next...

The Drought

2009-05-12T12:46:00.005-04:00

I haven't done sexytimes in saaaay...a minute (since the last time I saw SJ). And to top it off I haven't been doing anything about it. nothing. I've been purposely depriving myself. Wanna see how long I can go without shhhhh..(touching myself) I can't remember the last time i've gone more than a week. I guess you can call it a temporary celibacy challenge..Your girl is far from a nympho but I do need it. It calms me down & helps me sleep at night..Would like to have it...Whenever, wherever...shew! Look at me gettin all worked up..*sigh*

CHILE PLEASE-Jill ain't neva lied..

"This here celibacy thing..."

Celibacy Blues - Jill Scott

...Got me ready to drink some "Crown Royal on iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice"

Crown Royal - Jill Scott

College OVA! and IDK?!?

2009-05-07T16:34:00.007-04:00

Guess who's BIZAACK?!! I've seriously missed the blog world! I apologize about the lack of posting. My life has been so bipolar lately so I figured when everything dies down I can give you all a decent update. With that said, things are still rough and tumble but I have a minute to type so here goes.....

Ok, I started writing that^^^^ yesterday but had to run out. See what i'm talm'bout!..rough and tumble

Here goes..again:

I'm finished COLLEGE!

So i've officially completed my undergraduate studies as a nursing major!!! I will be a Bachelor's degree prepared Registered Nurse!!!! No more exams, no more nursing clinicals in stupid white scrubs, no more bitch Professors, no more snooty ppl who think they know err'dayum thang. NO MORE! Now all that's left for me to complete is my nursing boards(NCLEX) and find a J-O-B. I've spent all my money (and mom's)registering for my applications and review course which translates into me being BROKE. I've updated my resume and networked with a few ppl that can help me get in where I fit in so i'm not too stressed on the job search. Otherwise things couldn't be better. I graduate May21st..Congrats the the c/o 2009!!! Stay tuned..Graduation pics will be posted!

IDK?!?!

Mens!
ActivistGuy. Okay. So we're still talking/hanging out, whatever you wanna call it. This is still a trial period so I guess both of us have been on our best behavior. Nothing physical or anything like that. Although, he said he has gotten more comfortable around me; as have I. We hang out a lot on campus and I'm starting to notice that ppl think we're a couple. He introduces me to a lot of ppl he knows (and he knows a LOT of ppl)..So what i'm getting at is: I don't know how to feel about that. On one hand, I don't mind. On the other hand, i'm still apprehensive about a relationship (justifiably so in my mind after all i've been through). And the last thing I want to do is waste the man's time. I can sense that he's getting a little impatient with me and would rather things to move faster. Soooo, idk. At this point i'm not saying "Yes" or "No"..the truth is--I just don't know....

SexyJamaican. Okay (I say "ok" alot in real life lol)..So he's just about ready to come home after graduating and completing his internship. He should be home next week to be exact. We've kept in touch and he's came up to visit me a couple times between blog updates. I've tried to keep this thing as platonic as possible but its hard when he's standing in front of me. We've gotten closer since we started talking again and I don't see myself shutting him out of my life anytime soon. I'm actually looking forward to him coming home. I miss him (i miss him i really wanna kiss him but I can't 678triple98212!!)..lol..damn Soulja Boy! *shakes fist* But seriously..I don't know what to do. I'm torn. On one hand, I might...possibly...slightly 'L-word him?' On the other hand, I don't think he feels the same way. And if he does, he's not saying it. (Aside: He called me 2am with Lenny Williams-'Cause I Love You playing in the background lmao). Now, maybe i'm reading too far into this and it was bad timing, but it's a weird feeling I have (or maybe stupidity) At this point: I'm leaving it at a tentative "No"..the truth is--I just don't know...

CHILE PLEASE- Since I don't know..I should probably find out.

Uncensored

2009-04-23T16:22:00.002-04:00

This private shit ain't gone work.

CHILE PLEASE- If you don't like it. Don't read it!

And the door is locked.

2009-04-16T17:09:00.003-04:00

Ok, so my laptop is dead :( Monday I turned her on and my monitor was BLACK! I was so devastated man. My warranty was up but since my laptop was under recall it was under an extended warranty. I just sent her off to HP to get fixed but I know when I get her back everything will be GONE. I couldn't back shit up because i couldn't even see anything..ugh! This is the 2nd time this happened. Going ca-raaazeee without my BFF aka the innanet. I'm at my mom's house posting now but when I get her back let the post extravaganza begin! And no more crashes for me..as soon as I get some cash i'm going Mac. Fuck HP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Woosah*
.. I have been so busy with school that I haven't had time to really post...But yes, I am now private. Tell your friends, tell your lovers, tell your homies, or anyone else u know reads regularly to email me if they wanna keep up. The reason I went private is because i'm tired of nosey ppl reading my shit and taking it too heart (you know who you are).. I like to speak my mind and I really hate this private shit. Won't go into details about what happened but people need a dose of "Bitchassness Be Gone" If you don't like what I write, please feel free to click the little red box in you upper right hand corner!

So what's been going on..
School is almost a wrap and graduation is right around the corner! I do 12 hour nursing clinicals at a local teaching hospital. Well, the telemetry floor (cardiac for yall non medical folk) my instructor had me on was absolutely DREADFUL! Just pure pandemonium. Since i'm a senior I have to take on a full load of pts (5-6) but the floor was just fuckery with other nursing students stealing my pts, doctors, techs, bells going off, old ppl shitting themselves..ugh! I swear every call bell I answered resulted in me cleaning up some poop or throw-up :( I couldn't take it anymore so my instructor moved me to brand new ortho floor .I finally got a full load of patients and my the nurse I followed was this funny white guy. When he went to lunch one of my patients almost coded and I had to react like a real nurse. I saved a life yall lol. The only thing standing in my way of graduation is this stupid 16 pg leadership paper I have to do. The 6pg part is due Monday so i'm gonna finish it up this weekend. My procrastinatin' ass.

Next up..Mens!
Ok, so i've kinda falling back from Activist Guy. Not fully intentional but i've been busy and combined with his schedule..we barely see each other. I saw him yesterday after my clinical but I was butt ass tired to entertain and went to sleep.

That other guy I always talk about..Yea him. He's been back and forth from DC. Last week he came up for a hot second but we didn't kick it. After 2 years of knowing what he's capable of my woman's intuition is telling me that something else is going on with him chick wise. He's the type that craves female attention and can't be alone. First young dumb thing with a wet pussy is getting got around his ass. He'll switch up his whole steez just to impress some broad and once he tires of the vaag, she's tossed to the garbage like the condom he used. And it seems like every time I try to fall back from him he comes around all concerned. I think he does this out of guilt more than concern. I'm smart but I dumb it down too make him think he's winning. In reality, I already passed him twice...i'm just walking slow with my eyes closed.

BigB hopped out the woodwork and hit me up on myspace. I'm not really interested in him anymore but I can't front, I miss his company and the way we used to bug out. Kinda hard to believe with my SJ adventures but once i'm done with a man sexually it's over for me. No feelings..no nothing. I don't go backwards peen wise.

CHILE PLEASE--Gonna start on my paper and have a drink. Pinky finger UP!

Private.

2009-04-05T00:37:00.003-04:00

So you probably logged on today only to get that stupid message about my blog not existing. And I hate to just up and shut everyone out so I opened it again. If you already sent me your email from the 1st threat--check your email for your invite. If you don't have an invite please drop your email in the comment section.

CHILE PLEASE-- I really don't wanna do this...

Hungry Kitteh & Roomate Druh-amma!

2009-03-12T20:02:00.011-04:00

Hungry kitteh wants food.
Theres a homeless cat in my mom's neighborhood thats been slinking underneath cars for about a year now. Well last week when I went to visit, he/she (it's a "she" too me) came directly up to me "meowing." That's unusual cause she's a scaredy cat (haha) that always runs away. Anywho I gave her some fishsticks that night. A few days later I came to visit and she came up meowing--again! Then the other day I heard her meowing outside--AGAIN!!! When I looked out the window she was curled up underneathe my car..I swear I wanna adopt her so bad :( I gave her food again today and she slinked off with the kitteh-itis. Later I came back and she was sitting on my step--waiting..creepily. I walked away and this lil heffa did a catch stretch and commenced to following me for a block! I swear it was so creepy..Then out the blue another orange kitteh hopped out the woodwork and joined in the pursuit.

The next door neighbors feed hungry kitteh too..

Hungry kitteh following me...

She's still following me!

Perhaps I should stop feeding her :( OR...maybe hungry kitteh is a spirit or something..idk.. Strange as it may sound I look forward to seeing her. She's been more reliable these past couple weeks than my best friends. With that said: What shall I name her greedy ass?

Roomate beef.
So Nigerian Girl has been the worst roomate EVER for the last couple weeks. One night she had her TV blastin alllllllll dayum night! She claims she didn't hear the knocks at the door and slept thru the entire thing. Smiley left her a note asking her to be concscientious of the noise level because that shit was just ree-dam-dick-culous! Ugh. And she leaves her radio on even when she's not here! ugh. Then last weekend she brought a guest who decided she was gonna bring her entire wardrobe and a damn supermarket too! The living room was a mess! Then she cooked & left the kitchen looking like hurricane Katrina made another appearance. Just a few days prior I thoroughly cleaned the kitchen (even mopped..ugh) so I refused to clean her mess. And it's not my thing to leave stupid little post-its but I left one asking everyone to use lids when she left the microwave a mess! She walked into the kitchen just as I was about to stick it to the microwave so I told her myself(in a nice way)..I hate tension..but the shit hit the fan when she left Cheerios on the floor for 3 days and Smiley wrote another post-it...We all walked into the kitchen at the same time and NG ended up cutting Smiley off and stormed off to her room! Druh-aamaaaaaa. She ended up cleaning her mess..and things have cooled down since. I really can't stand living with a bunch of females but we only have a few mths left and I think we can make it. *sigh*

Why i'm lacking motivation.
4 Projects due. Started? None. Idk but Seniorits has been hella virulent this semester. Ion wanna do shit! I'm gonna take my spring break and work on the projects but lawd gimme the strangth! I know our President is black so the last thing I should do is be complaining but i'm saying...I just wanna graduate!!!

CHILE PLEASE--Spring Break is here...but no time to celebrate..I got work to do :/ FML.

Love Above Evil

2009-03-12T18:04:00.010-04:00

Activist Guy leaves for the Motherland.
He left for his South Africa trip yesterday. Matter of fact he just called me about 20mins ago from Cape Town letting me know he got there safe. Prior to leaving he held a fundraiser/going away party. He raffled off an iPod touch that he won at a poetry show the week prior.

Aside: Well really...i'd won it cause I had the winning ticket that he'd bought for me. But whatev..he needed the money and I already have an iPod so it was only right..

Ppl also were to bring school supplies for children in Africa. A nice amount of ppl came out. I helped him out at the table and counted the money...whathaveu. A friend of his that also paints helped him raise money by auctioning off some of his art work. And wouldntyaknow that I won that raffle too :)..I picked out this glorious painting entitled "Love Above Evil."

I spent some time with him Monday and we just talked, chilled..etc. Twas nice but I find myself putting that wall up. He asked me if I was scarred from previous relationships..Yes, yes I am.. I so know that he wants to take it too the next level but something inside of me is saying to take it sloooow. I haven't even kissed him yet. Is that bad? He's done so many thoughtful things for me in the last few weeks: Bought me Aleve when my period came on, eco friendly cleaner when I told him my asthma started after cleaning with bleach..Just little things that make me smile yall. With that said; I can't differentiate his benevolence from the ill-intentioned men i've dealt with. He asked me if there is anything he could do to heal the scars. No, I have to do it on my own.. I told him that I was "dating" and he agreed that he shouldn't put all his eggs in one basket. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. But he's persistent as hell with his work in the community so what in the world would make me think that he'd give up on perusing something that he wants--me. At one point he asked me where i'd like to go for my honeymoon. I was dead ass when I told him Dubai. He laughed at me like I was crazy but later sent me a goodnight text.."dream of dubai." Heavaaaay ..Heavaaaay!!!

SexyJamaican saga continues..

So I came out and told him I had a friend when I accidentally sent him a text msg meant for Activist Guy. This was the same night a couple weeks ago that he payed Victoria a visit. That night he also saw the roses Activist Guy got me for the dance. I think he was hurt. And in a way, I wanted him to be after all he'd done to me. Lately he's been updating his FB status' in French about some girl he met and how she's so "real" blah blah blah. This is a ploy for attention. He thrives off it but i'm tired of my heart sinking everytime I see his status' in my mini-feed. I got really annoyed one night and asked if he has a g/f. He denied. She's just someone he "works with" that's helping him brush up on his French. Yea...surrrrre. Then he tries to flip the situation and starts asking me 21?'s about my "b/f" (referring to Activist Guy). I told him I didn't have a b/f. We went back and forth for awhile and he admitted that he needs to see me...that it feels like heroin withdraw. It didn't dawn on me then, but last night, I was watching the Sex & The City ep. (shout out to KB) where Carrie is creeping in & out of seedy motels with a married Big. At one point Big sarcastically brings up Carrie's "b/f" after a bang out session & then it hits me: SJ is my Big. Big is jealous. Carrie is jealous. We're making eachother jealous.

CHILE PLEASE--Closet in Dubai or NY?

Crappy.

2009-03-11T21:42:00.005-04:00

If I don't update for awhile I feel like ppl forget about this crappy lil blog. So the story is i've been busy(as usual). But I will give a full update of the goings on tomorrow my lovlies.

Activist Guy leaves for the Motherland.
SexyJamaican saga continues..
Hungry kitteh wants food.
Why i'm lacking motivation.
Nursing school? I hate it.
Roomate beef chop suey.

CHILE PLEASE--Give me the strangth!

I feel....

2009-03-03T16:39:00.002-05:00

Lovely today.

CHILE PLEASE- Don't ask why. I just do.

Dear Pussy,

2009-03-02T22:42:00.005-05:00

I'm sorry for opening up my womb
I'm sorry for giving you away too soon
Pussy please forgive me for taking you for granted
I never meant for that seed to be planted
Physically
I know it hurt you when he came in
I know you bled when he left again
I'm sorry...
Pussy please forgive me for all the wrong i've done
For all the times you were neglected
And for every night you were disrespected
For the times I made you sick
For that time I hurt you with an oversized dick
I'm so sorry...
Pussy, me and you are so freakin tight
I love the long talks we have at night
I need you to be the niche for my future legacy
So tell me pussy.....
Do you forgive me?

CHILE PLEASE--That just came out of my fingertips..But I think we all need to write one of those. Don't you agree?

Introducing: "Victoria"

2009-02-28T23:29:00.014-05:00

Sorry this took so long but i've been uber busy, stressed, vexed, stalked and sexed. Grab the popcorn. Read on....

Disclaimer: It's a lengthy one..sorry but I had a lot to get off my 36B's

Activist Guy
So he bought me flowers. This was the first time i'd EVER gotten flowers from anybody. Well wait--there was that one time when this boy bought me funeral home flowers so that doesn't count lol. Anywho, that was sweet in itself and he looked sharp yall! Like he shoulda been selling bean pies on the corner of a MLK boulevard LOL. I felt bad because I made him wait an hour while I got dressed but it was worth it. The night started off great until the JelloGate incident that occurred when someone (not saying it was me) snuck jello shots into the ball room. Now, in this person's tipsy delight (did you say it was me?!..it wasn't!) they forgot to throw away the cups ..Unfortunately, the kitchen staff discovered them and tried to throw out our entire table. Sooo, Activist Guy, having the gift of gab, got everything straightened out and we ended up staying. Other than that debauchery we had a great time and I ended up dancing the night away (as always lol). GOOD TIMES. I would post pics but someone knows I have a blog..(one of the reasons i'm still thinkin of going private*sigh* Sorry yall :(

Mom's Hospital ordeal
So Mom hurt her leg at work lifting a patient last week. That weekend she said he legs were feeling tingly so I basically forced her to go to the hospital (mommy's always take care of everyone else but themselves). We went to the ER around 4 and didn't leave til 9..ugh! I really really hate E.R.'s. I'll be an RN this summer and I hope I never become so inhuman and robotic as these bags of flesh that worked in the E.R. This one crunchy hair nurse stuck my mom to draw blood several times and tried to insinuate that it didn't hurt! I almost stabbed her ass in the neck for that. Then it took the bitch 2 hours to hang fluids (mom was dehydrated) because she failed to check the orders. And it wasn't until I told her that she needed to check them! Nonetheless, mom is home and getting better with the help of physical therapy.

The car-less blues
It was something with the oil pan or something. 300 effing dollars that I don't have! I pay for it and go to moms house. Literally....Literally right after I pull up my mom's car breaks down!!! We got it towed to the shop and now I have to give her my car for work. This sucks :(

Stalker Dude
So this dude I barely know (hi and bye type shit) decided it would be a good idea to knock on my room door. Effin roomate let him in and this nigga had the audacity to knock on my door. Lookin all sweaty and veiny like he'd just come from the gym talkin bout "I smelled something cookin..Is it you". Cornball extraordinaire if you don't.... I was too scared cuss his ass out (you never know how crazy ppl are) so I gave his ass the gas face and told him to K.I.M. Why lawd why?!

SexyJamaican
So yea, he came up last Saturday to see me. I had stopped calling/texting him altogether recently until his bro and my good friend Teddy prompted me too contact him cause SJ kept "Why'in?" him about me. "Why she ain't callin me?".."Why she ain't textin me?" "Why?!" Hmm..looked like my self-induced Fade-Away worked (success!) So I call him and he goes on about how much he misses me and how i'm the only girl he knows that has sense. Giving me all the praise like my name was Yahweh yall. Ok, that was nice to hear and I sensed a lil sincerity too it, but I still take it with a 1/2 grain of salt. He said he lost all his contacts and couldn't call me but Chile Please! this is 2009..Truth is if he really wanted to talk to me that bad he could've facebook'd me. His excuse is that he isn't on the innanet like that (but you update your status like err'day..I'm just sayin..)

BUT with all that said: I can't front..I miss him. Crazy. And so did Victoria (poom poom nickname..I say it with an Eartha Kitt voice..Victooorrriia). He walked up behind me and kissed me on my neck..."He smells so good" Hugged me-tight "He feels so good"..tighter..*Splash!* We talked. chilled. dranked. He put his playlist on and turned his attn to Victoria.
Then we..
Sexed.
and sexed.
and sexed.
and ate breakfis.
Victoria thanked me profusely.
He put it on me. I put it on him. Put some more on him until he didn't have anything left (literally). This was that type of sex that'll have you in a daze everytime you think about it...................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Sorry..I was in a daze......

Ok. Back to reality. I felt some type of way because Activist Guy just came into my life so in a weird way I feel like i'm cheating..myself that is. I mean, here's this nice guy that wants to court me and then there's SJ--fine ass SJ; who i've always wanted to be with. SJ--who always falls short of telling me how he really feels. SJ; who ran off and damn near got married. The one who I just cannot let go no matter how hard I try. Victoria really needs to shut the hell up and stop telling secrets so I can think for once *sigh*

CHILE PLEASE--And that was just one week.

Catching up..

2009-02-25T10:05:00.002-05:00

I apologize for being neglectful but my life has been a whirlwind for the past few days. We have a looooOooooot to talk about...but right now I reallllly don't have the energy so I will update you all later in the week when things get a little better.

Topics I have to cover..

Activist Guy & the semi-formal
Mom's hospital ordeal
SexyJamaican came to see ya girl
My jalopy is in the shop :(

*sigh*

CHILE PLEASE- Pray for me.

Decisions, Decisions...

2009-02-20T01:26:00.004-05:00

Okay guys, I know i've been slacking in my replying to comments and making blog rounds but I had an extremely busy week. Please forgive me. I do read and appreciate all of my blogfam ♥ Tuesday I had nursing clinicals giving kids immunizations all morning. OMG, I had to give a little girl 5 needles! :( After that they sent me too an STD clinic *gag*! The next day I had clinical at an oil refinery in the Occupational Health Dept. So yea, I was wiped the heck out. Today I finally took my graduation pics. I can't believe all my hard work is finally paying off! I'll be an RN in just a few months. Wow.

So the semi-formal is tomorrow and once again i've outdone myself with preparation. I said I was only gonna buy 1 dress..under 50 bucks..and NO shoes (tryna lay off the shoe addiction) Alas, I walk into the store and come out with almost 3 dresses (narrowed it down to 2 at the counter:/). After a heated panel discussion with friends and family i've finally decided on the froc that will don my fabulous frame. I can't wait. Pics off both dresses tomorrow. (too lazy to upload right now)

Activist Guy. A few days ago he sent me a text saying he gets really nervous when he's around me (how cute!!!!). I told him I was nobody to be nervous around because i'm the queen of awkward. So earlier today, I invited him over to quell his anxiety and show him that i'm a regular ole girl and not the fabulous diva that he sees strolling campus. Also I wanted him to see my dress and get an idea of what he should wear. The more I talk to him to more I want to know about him yall. He's a pretty decent guy in light of my recent pitfalls and disappointments (at least right now he is). And for some strange reason as I walked down to let him in I felt butterflies in my stomach. Hmmm.

CHILE PLEASE- Maybe it was the taco bell I had earlier...

Vagina Day, Lasagna, and Goat Herders

2009-02-16T21:12:00.008-05:00

Valen--err Vagina Day was rather uneventful. I didn't wanna be a complete grouch so I made candy baskets for home and the roomies..It was cute. Mom surprised me with one of my favorite foods EVER! A Lasagna:

MmmmmMMMmm..BITCH!
(yea I took the first piece! LOL)

After I tore into that deliciousness I left to find a dress for this Friday. But wait, it'd help if I tell yall why i'm looking for a dress..DUH!..Ok...............

[Sherman Klump]I got myself a date, Friday night at 8, it will be so great, he might be my mate....(well maybe not) [/Nutty Professor]

Yup..I have a date to the university ball/dance/semi-formal whatever you wanna call it..This guy that I occasional see, we'll call him Activist Guy, has been on me for the last few mths. Activist Guy is an Urban Studies major and really active in the community, politics, and all that jazz. He always has some type of "call to action" on campus. He's even going to Africa in a couple months. I dig...I digs...But when he asked me to go I was all like:

Lovely: "Meh, how much does it cost?"
AG: "Don't worry about it..just bring yourself"
Lovely: Oh..uhh..Ok..

I had lunch with him the other day and he told me a little about himself. I wasn't in the mood to be all "MmmHmmm..reallllly"....and "head nod-ish" but it was an enjoyable encounter. He turned out to be a pretty decent guy.

BUT (You know there's always a 'but')Only thing is......I don't even wanna say this cause it really has no relevance on how I feel about him .........buuut i'ma say it anyway: He has a small arm..handicap arm that is. Dang, why did I just feel like a shallow bitch saying that? But it's the truth. I didn't notice it until I saw him a few times because he carries himself so well and most of the time i'm looking at his cute face. At first I was uncomfortable but he doesn't seem to mind cause he joked about pop locking and droppin it at the dance "at least with one arm" as he put it lol. Sweet with a sense of humor..Hmm..We'll see where this goes.

CHILE PLEASE- He's a nice guy so I figured i'd give him a chance. I'm tired of all these Semi's...ya girl needs a goat herder.

P.S In case you're wondering..No, I didn't talk to SJ on Vagina Day..really wasn't expecting too so it's cool.

Still sitting here...

2009-02-09T22:37:00.005-05:00

So Friday, I went to my mothers house thinking if I was around family i'd cheer up. NEWSFLASH: It didn't work. In fact I think it got worse. That night SJ sent me a video of halftime at the Nuggets/Wizards game (he knows i'm a huuuuge b-ball fan..hold ur heads my Celtics!!!) So in the funky mood I was in I asked him why the hell he sent me that randomness. Shoot I wanted to be there to watch that good ole' fashion blowout! He says: "to let you know i'm having fun"..
Ummmm. If you're having that much fun why the hell did you feel the need to take time out of your "fun having" to send me a video of you "having fun"?

Does that make sense to yall?

*pause*
Didn't think so. So what i'm thinnnnking is that he must really miss me so he's putting up a front to make me think he's getting over me. My my my..the games we play. In the next few texts he suggested that I come to DC because he's off on "All-Star Weekend". But every estrogen filled person with a vagina knows that that's Valentines Day weekend. Hmmmmmmm...So maybe he does miss me.But wait..You just friend zone-ded me, remember? Idk, i'm so confused yall. The girl in me wants to go in hopes that he'll change his mind about the whole "friend zone" thing; but the woman in me knows that most likely won't happen. I've been debating on whether or not I should go. Ever since he told me he still has feelings for the "ex" it's turned me off wishing for anything more with him. So why the hell should I torture myself with delusions of grandeur. No, no, no..I'm not going. If he wants me he's gonna have to make the effort because i'm tired of settling for anything he throws my way...

CHILE PLEASE- He wants his cake, pie, ice cream, danish, cinnamon roll, chocolate bar...and eat it too--right off of my poom poom.

Sitting here..

2009-02-06T17:21:00.004-05:00

With so much shit I could be doing. Supposed to turn in my resume & cover letter to the campus career center Monday, I need to do my online assignment, need to read a few chapters for class. I woke up this morning with every intention on completing these tasks and as of 5:22 pm i've completed NONE. Idk wtf is wrong with me?!? Usually i'd blame it on chronic procrastination but I think i'm midly depressed yall. Like foreal. Maybe it's the wintertime blues. I haven't left the apt in 2days. Did I mention how much I hate winter????? I really do. Snow is thee most useless precipitation EVER! Pretty to look at but a pain in the ass all around. And don't even get me started on the cold...my bony ass. *sigh*

I need a cuddle buddy...
"I want somebody to walk up behind me..and kiss me on my neck.."(right Erykah?)

Valentines Day is coming up and once again i'm pretending not to care. But the more I pretend the more I realize how much I want and need love. Yea, family loves me..real friends love me...and I love ME..But I want that 'wake up in the morning looking a hotassmess 'and he still loves me LOVE. That..'I'm tired of frontin so lets not be just friends because I love you LOVE'..

Ok, I know that was random yall, but I hadda get that off my chest...

CHILE PLEASE- 2 days is enough..I'm gonna go get some fresh air before this gets worse.

Anorexic Midgets & 25 Random Things

2009-02-03T14:41:00.006-05:00

Sooo...my last semester has started and it's not as bad as I thought. We're doing community rotations so my clinical schedule is different every week. Thursday I have to follow a home care nurse. No biggie. It's better than being in a hospital for 12hrs (that part starts in March..argh!)..I only have classes on Monday and they've assigned us to groups to complete a community health project for a facility. My group is assigned to a local homeless shelter. Our first meeting was yesterday and I felt great to give back to the community....

Ok...what else....
Yea, so SJ is gone and I was a lil lovesick (feeling "blah"/no energy/can't sleep) for a few days. I think I still am. We text each other here and there but nothing crazy. Plus idk what's going on with that whole "ex" situation. He say's he still loves her sooo...yea. I added him to my book of faces again but I don't check his page cause i'm afraid of what I might see...

In other news...
So i'm in the cafe today and I see this kid I always see, we'll call him Anorexic Midget..Me and Anorexic Midget usually wave "hi" and "bye." He's always smiling--always. Today I guess he got up the nerve to ask my number. In my condition, I do NOT want to be pestered by the penis havers so I lied and told him I had a boyfriend.

Anorexic Midget: *Cheesin* "Oh, you live on the 5th floor?..I live on the 4th"
Lovely: "So, bitch?!..you ain't coming to my room!"

Nah, I didnt' say that..I just pretended like I didn't hear his ass and finished fishing through the salad bar for fresh lettuce......as he just stood there..and stoooood there--smiling, until my roomie came over and helped me shoo him away *sigh* So awkwardly annoying!

Last thing..
This 25 Random Things note going about the book of faces like wildfire (what is this, 2002?!) Nonetheless, I joined in the fuckery and did one. Thought it'd be a good post for new readers (and vets) to discover some things about the one they call Lovely:

Okay so here's 25 random things about moi:

1. I used to sneak and eat butter as a child...thought it was icecream:/

2. I will not eat oatmeal or coleslaw if Jeebus himself fed it too me (it's looks like throw up)

3. Don't let my size fool you. I WILL eat you out of house and home...

4. As a result of the above 3 being about food, I have ridiculously high cholesterol that i'm trying to get down :(

5. I used to be a lil tomboy when I was young. I probably would've remained one until I started liking the penis havers..

6. Never really thought I was 'attractive' until after highschool.."back then they didn't want me..now i'm hot..." you know the rest LOL

7. Always wanted to be a Pediatrician.

8. I have a slight (well maybe huge) obsession with SHOES ♥ My house will have a room reserved just for my shoes!! ♥ I even made a facebook group for all you shoe addicts..See:) http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=9978491742&ref=ts

9. Not really into confrontation, fighting, and all that fukkery. I like to watch tho lol.

10.Ok, just to clarify..Just because i'm laid back, doesn't mean I won't scream on you. Don't.Test. Me. My temper will throw a tv at you crazy!
**woosah** Ok...lol

11. I'm a NaS fan. Before my comp crashed I had his entire catalog+unreleased *tear*

12. I'm terrified of bats..

13. I want to learn how to box ((don't laugh)) and DJ '_'

14. If I wasn't a nurse i'd be a model or doing something in the fashion industry.

15. I used to read encyclopedias as a kid (nerd alert). So now I have all this random knowledge that stuck before the stupid set in as an adult....Stuff like dog breeds and tall buildings...

16. I'm growing my hair long like Bernadine in Waiting to Exhale..except that won't be the thing that gets cut if hubby cheats. ha!

17. For as long as I can remember i've always had this dream about a huge ball of pink yarn that was coming to crush me. Don't ask.

18. My dream car is a corvette..Gonna get one too..

19. I hate ironing clothes and don't if I can get away with it..

20. I shop when i'm depressed.

21. I LOVE to laugh and can find humor in almost anything. So if you can't make me laugh I probably won't like you..

22. I'm a germaphobe and wash my hands at least 15-20 times/day

23. I like..no-- ♥ hugs. And forehead kisses..

24. Used to hate my last name cause it reminded me of Montgomery Burns from the Simpsons lol. Now I love it...and that's Ms. Montgomery to you!

25. I love everything Carebear! Especially Love-a-lot bear.

CHILE PLEASE--Glad that's over.

...And not that nigga I call my 'friend'

2009-01-29T19:14:00.006-05:00

CHILE PLEASE- I gotta let him go.

The Party!!!

2009-01-27T19:24:00.014-05:00

I booked a room at the Taj Mahal in AC so no one would have to drunk drive after the festivities. Me and the roomies got there and the room was absolutely FABULOUS!!!

Peep the plasma screen TV..

The view from here..

I waited until everyone got there (late!) to get dressed:

It's my party and i'll DIVA if I want too!

Finally after a myriad of dranks we all went down to the club (my fav shot of the group)

Oops too late!

Next, we did what we came to do: PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Deleted (ya late)*

Aren't we fab?!
*Deleted (ya late)*

Dudes were dancin..
*Deleted (ya late)*

All up..
*Deleted (ya late)*
On me LOL!

I had no idea they had male dancers at these clubs..Innit he swexxy!?

*Deleted (ya late)*
This old lady was tooo cute!
I was having a BALL!

A couple peeps dipped off to the room so I decided it was the perfect time for my dress change!

(couldn't decide which one to wear so I wore both ;)

And sang Happy Burfday!!

Pretending because we couldn't find a lighter LOL

After that we went down and partied some more but I left my camera in the room so I wouldn't lose it (I have a habit of losing expensive shit when i'm drunk). I partied until the freakin club shut down (6am).

Now, between all of this SJ was there trying to play Mr.Big Bad bouncer man. He came up to the room on his break while I was getting ready. When we got there he couldn't talk to anyone (with his stupid earpiece on trying to look important!) That didn't stop me from messing with him though LOL. More than once I went up to him and whispered some freaky things in his ear that made him blush and make funny faces LMAO! His ex showed up to pop off her Bday, but I was in my own fabulous element and paid her no mind. After it was all said and done I didn't beckon him to my room via text because I was just that tired. And whats more (I left this out the previous post); in addition to telling me she was going to be in the building he also told me that since he was moving that we should just be "friends"..Yea, you heard right...I got friend zone-ded. Okay, I knew that was coming eventually but part of me knows he wanted to clarify since we were both gonna be at the club that night. So shoot, as far as i'm concerned he wasn't gonna get any BDay poom-poom from me. For all I know he went home and skeeted in his ex's tiara...Hmph!

Anywho....

In the morning we got zestfully clean..

*Deleted (ya late)*

And it was back to reality :(

*Deleted (ya late)*

Bye Bye fabulous room :(

CHILE PLEASE!- I had a BALL and avoided the druh-ammma in true lovely fashion. A Quarter Century of Fabulosity INDEED!

P.S: THIS IS MY 100TH LOVELY POST!!!!

P.S.S- SJ is leaving town tomorrow morning :( He just texted me and said he was happy I had fun that night and that'd he be back to check on me

CHILE PUH-LEASE!- I can't help but to miss him already :(

Pressing the F5 key

2009-01-26T18:26:00.003-05:00

I know thats what yall been doing waiting for me to tell you what went down at the party. I had a BLAST! I would tell you guys now but my ass is beat down, worn out, haggard, and, just plain ole exhausted! I will say that I did not get into any altercations (cmon, i'm a lady) but I was fabulously intoxicated and showed my ass (not literally...or did I?)

CHILE PLEASE- Check back tomorrow! I promise..

Druhh---aaaaama!

2009-01-24T15:33:00.005-05:00

So my party is tonight!!! I wasn't expecting any glitches but seeing as though my life is a freaking soap opera...*sigh*................

SJ is a bouncer at the club i'm having my party (in fact he suggested I have it there last mth)
Yesterday, he tells me his ex is gonna be there celebrating her Bday too
Soooooooo
I will be there.
She will be there.
He will be there.
We ALL will be there...

CHILE PLEASE- I swear I don't make this stuff up! I'm just waiting for the camera man to jump out the closet...

A Quarter Century of Fabulosity

2009-01-22T10:22:00.006-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My roomies surprised me w/a cake last night..

Innit cute?!!! I just woke up and I feel soOoo fabulous. 25 is a great age! And I can't wait till Saturday..I have such a fun evening planned ;) Pics soon..

CHILEPLEASE- Now you know me on a first name basis LOL

January 20th, 2009

2009-01-20T19:11:00.006-05:00

Where were you?
Today was the first day of my last semester. I had clinical at a high school doing health screenings with the school nurse. She said they would have an assembly so everyone could watch the inauguration. The tech guy had trouble getting the stream to work on the projector so me and the school nurse tried every site imaginable and finally we got one (good ole CNN!). When we finally got it up me and her just sat smack in the middle of the auditorium staring at the stream from the laptop with 793483043049 noisy teenagers behind us mocking Yo Yo Ma's name or chanting "O-ba-ma!"..I was so overwhelmed by the moment that the tears started falling. I'd so rather have been in DC (yes, in all that pandemonium!) but it didn't make the moment any less monumental to watch it. This is history and we're living it. My how far we have come!

CHILE PLEASE--My president is BLACK!

Wedding dresses & Breakfis

2009-01-15T22:25:00.007-05:00

I just want to say ♥ THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! to all my readers. My G1 aka Naomi Fabulous was blowing up all week with emails from ppl who wanna keep up with my crazy life. I honestly had no idea how many people actually read my blog and are inspired by this nonsense I type. With that said, I am still considering making it private but I will extend the deadline until next Monday because I hate to cut anyone off :)

Ok, moving on..

I don't know if I told you guys or not but my cousin FunnyGirl is getting married and she asked me to be a Maid of Honor (so freaking exciting!!!). Today she went wedding dress shopping. I swear this is one time I like being a girl because playing dress up is fun! The gown she picked (we all helped) is absolutely BEE-you-tee-full. The bridal party also got to choose our dresses :) I would post pics but I don't need some heffa trying to steal her gown. Yall will see them after the wedding in May...

MY BIRTHDAY!!
Is next week :) Thursday, January 22nd at exactly 11:42 p.m. I'll be 25 years old yall. Every year I usually spend it snowed in or doing nothing. For some reason everyone forgets the January babies :( But seeing as though 25 is a special age i've planned a night out in AC, club hopping, drankin, and having funs with friends. I've dubbed the occasion: A Quarter Century of Fabulosity! I can't wait!

School...
My last semester is of undergrad starts Tuesday and even though i'm not looking forward to the workload I am looking forward to becoming an RN. My how far i've come..

Mens..
Or my favorite one rather: SJ..So we're still involved and i'm slowly preparing myself for the day he leaves :( He spent the night with me the other night and I helped him get ready for a big interview. Lovlies, I was ironing his shirt, and cooking him breakfis (yes 'breakfis' lol); like real life housewife duties and stuff yall! After he left I went to check my Windows Media player and found a playlist he made entitled "Thinkin of SJ" with all these love/sex/mushy songs. I couldn't help but smile. Men are so funny..Yall think he's tryna tell ya girl something? Hmmm..

CHILE PLEASE--Another year of life..Another year of lovlieness.

I'm seriously thinking..

2009-01-11T19:59:00.003-05:00

Of making my blog invite only.

Email me (points to right of screen) by Monday evening if you wanna keep up with ya girl.

CHILE PLEASE- I'm tired of holding back.

Cleaning up these tears..

2009-01-07T17:22:00.006-05:00

Ok, so the yeastie is gone! *claps*

Ok, (I say "Ok" a lot right?) Ok..anywho, SJ came over the other night. He says that he needs to see me. He's moving (foreal this time) at the end of this month and idk what i'm gonna do :( We've seriously gotten closer since we've started talking again..

>>Fastforward
He gets here and proceeds to take all his frustrations out on me via peen. OMG, afterward all I could do was lie there and try to breathe. A couple minutes later I turned over and started crying(?!). Damn idk where it came from and it scared me. I mean, I like it rough every now and again but--sheesh..Then I couldn't tell if I was crying from the roughness, his impending departure, or from going back to him. I think it freaked him out too. WTF @ me.

Moving on...
During the break i've been staying on campus as opposed to moving all my crap home. Most of the time i'm chillin, eating, chillin..sleeping. Wash.rinse.repeat. Over these last few weeks i've become an insomniac. I don't get to sleep until usually 3 or 4 am. Just a few pet peeves that annoy the shit out of me when living w/other folk:

1. Nigerian Girl (formerly Mystery) was talking loudly on her phone @ 6am in the living room today. It was on speaker too! She talks extremely loud (claims she can't hear well) and is so oblivious to how inconsiderate that shit is. Go in your fawkin room! She also takes 45 minute showers, sets off the alarm everytime she cooks, and doesn't clean up after herself. I can't stand it! Heffa..

2. Ppl using my pots and not washing them. Now I don't mind ppl using my things..Well, actually I do mind...(I'll be the first to admit i'm a stingy lil heffa). But if you're gonna use them ask first, don't burn them, and please wash them out afterwards. There's nothing worse than wanting to use your shit only to find it's got linguini stuck to it. Shit..

3. Dishes: I don't wash other ppls dishes and I damn sure ain't scrubbin ya pots. I'll wash them if theres a few but we are grown so I don't expect anybody to wash mine or vice versa. Also, i'm a clean-as-you-go type of girl so it's seldom the pile up of nastiness is mine. So when I hear someone sucking their teeth about the dish situation I get annoyed. You're the one who let them pile up..Use the arms and phalanges you were blessed with and wash yo own shit!. Hmph..

CHILE PLEASE- My tears dry on their own.

Not so fresh feeling.

2009-01-03T21:46:00.008-05:00

This might be a lil TMI for some folks (esp the mens)so feel free to click the white x up in the cow'na..

Ok, so i've been on Penicillin because of my strep throat..which went away and came back so the docs put me BACK on it for another 10 days. For folks that don't know: Penicillins cause yeast infections..Well guess what? *chile please side eye* Ugh..For the last 5 days i've been miserable. I take immaculate care of *points down* but some things are just unavoidable. I remember the 1st time I got one a few years ago and I thought it was an STD (even tho I wasn't having sex) and freaked out.. Well, this time I knew what it was and snatched up some Monistat faster than Aretha can eat a cheeseburger. And then on top of that SJ has been trying to come and see me, but i've been holding him off with the "I'm busy" excuse. I'm not about to tell him I got a yeastie! Yuck B! This is sooo interrupting my sex life:/

Aside: Oh, yea I finally saw Benjamin Button and it is now one of my fav movies-EVER! Brad Pitt could.get.IT!

CHILE PLEASE--Times like these calls for a detachable vagina..

Happy New Year lovlies

2009-01-01T21:13:00.004-05:00

Hope everyone had a lovely new year.

Although I wanted to go out and exhibit all types of unadulterated fuckery, I actually spent this new years in church. My mom sang in the choir so I had to come out to support ya know? Besides, I didn't have anything else to do. My friends were either spending it w/boyfriends or chillin w/their fam. Ya girl didn't even have a drank. Not even one!

Ok, so I never make New Years Resolutions because I think they are silly. But i'm feeling a lil silly today. My new Years Resolution is: To speak up more often.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am one of the sweetest ppl you'll ever come across. I've always been shy and i'm not as nearly outspoken in person as I am on this blog. I have a sweet lil voice and I come across awkward in social situations. Then, I have trouble saying "No" cause I think i'm going to hurt someone's feelings. This in turn leads to me giving out my number to some weirdo or doing something that I know damn well I don't wanna do. So this year, ya girl is gonna open her mouth and not be anyones doormat.

As for 2009...I can't wait to see what's in store. I'll be a college graduate and registered nurse by June. I should have a stable career, new car, and my own apt by the end of the year. On my way to certified adulthood yall!! I can't wait! As far as my love life??--who knows. I'm not putting all my chips on SJ cause he's moving the end of this month*sigh* But with his unpredictable ass who knows what could happen. I could be married or in jail by the end of this month messing with him..

I had something else to say but I forgot...

*scanning brain*
*scanning....*
*nothing*

I hate when that happens! Can't remember but i'll hop on the innanet and post as soon as I remember

CHILE PLEASE- Another lovely year. More lovely opportunities

Best Christmas EVER!

2008-12-27T16:08:00.005-05:00

Ok, so I did end up spending Christmas Eve with SJ :) We went back to my apt, turned on some Christmas music and talked. I asked him where we were going; to which he replied he didn't know but that I had always made him happy (which made my foolish heart skip several beats). I looked in his eyes and he was dead serious. Why did he have to be serious?..Then we got into some hot and heavy boo-loving accompanied by ahemiceandahemhandcuffs (TMI? so what!). After it was all said and done we fell asleep in each other's arms. The brakes have officially failed yall...

Christmas morning, I came back to mom's and helped her rush wrap gifts because she was too tired to do it the night before. We exchanged gifts and everyone was happy. Mom got me thee entire Victoria's Secret Pure Seduction scent collection (OMG, i'm addicted to this stuff!) and this Sephora eyeshadow/lipgloss collection:)

Later we took a trip on over to grandmoms to give her gifts. Even though Christmas is not all about gift giving, I notice the older I get..the more I love to give. Also, its just lovely to be around your family..The people that share your blood and who you've watched grow, change, love, hurt, have children, laugh, cry. All these people make you who you are whether you realize it or not. Ok, i'm tearing up now. Time to move on..

On to Daddy's house..I took him and his girlfriend their gifts. Just so you guys know, for the past year i've been building a broken relationship with my father. He and my mom broke up when I was 5 due to his substance abuse issues. But before that he was bigger than Superman to me...always has been. I applaud my mother because she never kept me from him. It was my choice to stay away but when I got older I made the decision to seek the other half of me. He is getting older and he doesn't do things he used too. Man, I never knew my dad was so funny cause he had me cracking the hell up. He's getting married to his girlfriend next month and asked me to give him away. Wow right?

At the end of the day I was ready to pass out face first. And I did.

CHILE PLEASE- I hope your Christmas was as lovely as mine!

Merry Christmas Lovlies!

2008-12-24T17:29:00.011-05:00

I've been out an about in this oops-I-forgot-to-get-blankandblank-a-gift! at the last minute pandemonium. It's actually been smooth for me..Let me run down the list of goodies I got for the fam:

Mom: Donna Karen Cashmere mist perfume set
Brother: Brian Westbrook jersey
Sis: Sony mp3 player
GMom: Plush cream cashmere robe
Dad: Pajama set and slippers

I know I missed a lot of people but theres a lot of ppl in my family..Shoot, it'd be impossible to get everyone. Besides, Christmas shouldn't be all about gifts. It's the love that counts ya dig?...Ok, enough w/the holdiay hoopla.

What i've been up to:
Partying! Friday me and the roomie went to Bleu Martini in Philly and had soooOoo much fun and I always end up dancing with the oddest/nerdiest/weirdest dudes in the club.

Exhibit A:

"What the hell?! Were yall partying at 711?"-Smiley

Exhibit B (this summer)

"Do the Urkel!"

Then I ended up dancing with an extra from the Billie Jean video:

Hee Hee!

Saturday I hit up a friend's Christmas party and had a fabulous time! We played this game called "Never Have I Ever"where you say something about yourself; if it's true you drink along with anyone else it's true for. Ex: "Never Have I Ever: Had sex on a roof.." (yea I have lol) Ok, let's just say I was pretty drunk after that game:

Too late!

Ok, on to my fav subject..Mens!

I just can't seem to fall back from SexyJamaican. He had a change of plans and will be in Jerz until mid Jan. Ok, since I got the peen he's been coming around/calling/texting consistently. I feel like he's seriously trying to make a conscious effort to be in my life. I'm surprised, confused, excited, happy, but most of all--scared. All my friends are telling me not to believe the hype but as soon as he comes around I forget all their advice. We've spent a lot of time together in the last couple weeks and I like it. In fact we're supposed to chill later on today..on Christmas Eve yall *chile please stare*....That's a big deal to me because I always spend holidays boo-less. I think i'm gonna get some things straight with him tonight though because i'm still not sure where we stand or where this is even going........

Ok, i'm tired of typing but I shall return with lots of stories about holiday fuckery

CHILE PLEASE--Have a Merry Christmas lovlies! :)

Unhealthy obsession

2008-12-18T16:33:00.008-05:00

No, not with a man but with ZEBRA PRINT! I'm not sure when it started but it may have begun last year when I changed my myspace background to a pink zebra print. I kept trying to change it but nothing else looked right..Soon after I started painting my nails zebra print and it just all went downhill from there

Zebra print tights, robe, clutch, big bag

And this fabulous lovely dress! Fits me like a glove dont'cha think?

Hmm..now all I need is some sheets...

CHILE PLEASE- Call me tacky all you want..I'm still more fabulous than you!

Details!

2008-12-16T14:48:00.005-05:00

OK, gather 'round lovlies..here goes:

So all weekend I studied my butt off for my nursing final. Mannnn, by Sunday night my brain was fried crunchier than southern chicken. I called it quits and passed out. So I check my phone Monday morning and I have a text from SexyJamaican saying that he's back in town for the day. Hmmm...I told him I was on my way to a final and he wished me luck. So after that grueling 150 question exam me and my nursing homegirl got our end of the semester celebration started with a few drinks at the apt. Ok, so i'm already tipsy 2 o'clock in the afternoon. My thoughts shifted back to SJ..I told him I would like to see him before he left..Next thing you know he's calling me from the parking lot.

I bring him up and he starts complaining that he was hungry so I cooked him something to eat (I hate when men don't eat!..it's a pet peeve of mine picked up by mom. Besides he was gonna need the energy teehee)

We started off chillin in my room watching CNN footage of Pres Bush getting a shoe hurled at his dumb head. The he says: "Turn the TV off and look at me..."

I turned it off.

Then as he stares at me: "What are you thinking about?"..
IDK, a lot..I guess..
Like what?
You..us..

I told myself I wouldn't have sex with him..That I only wanted to see him: I stared at him.

I told myself that I would just kiss him. That I only wanted to feel his lips on mine: We kissed.

I TOLD myself that I wouldn't let his hands go past my pantyline. That I only wanted to feel his hands on my waist: My panties were on the floor.

I told myself that I didn't wanna go there with him.
But I did.
We did.

He had me grippin on the bed and bitin my lip...his lips. It'd been so long since I got some that I didn't know how to freakin act!

Damn...afterwards I felt weird. Then the typical after sex thoughts started to creep in.."Why did I do that?.." But I quickly shoo'd them away. It is what it is. I figured that was part of my end of semester celebration for all my hard work and dedication. I've deprived myself for too long. After it was all said and done we gave our farewells as he left town. As far as me and him seeing each other he said that he would work something out. When I got back to my apt I cut myself a big piece of chocolate brownie, poured myself another drink, and fell into the most peaceful sleep..

CHILE PLEASE- Sex and chocolate go together like vodka and cranberry..

Peen for me.

2008-12-15T18:47:00.009-05:00

So ummm...yea.

CHILE PLEASE--I don't understand it either but just imagine stories i'll have to tell my grandchildren...

No peen for me.

2008-12-09T11:15:00.012-05:00

I was sick all last week with Strep throat. My voice went from sounding like Dikembe Mutumbo to Cookie Monster to Tommy Pickles. All the while it felt like someone was scratching the back of my throat with a piece of sandpaper. I.Was.Miserable! Doc put me on antibiotics so its finally going away even tho my voice is still on that raspy shit..

So moving on... you already know who I wanna talk about:

SexyJamaican.

Ok, so we've been texting each other back and forth since our last encounter. Nothing too heavy; just 'how ya doing?' blah blah smalltalk. So Sat. night he calls and says he's on his way to my part of town and wanted to stop by. Mind you it's 2a.m. I asked him if it was booty call and if so he might as well call someone else. He's like "nah, I been thinking bout you all week..and i'm movin out of state tomorrow"

REWIND!
Ok, he did tell me he was moving but not until January. How the hell is he gonna put me in this position? I thought about it for a good 10 seconds and told him to swing past cause I was up late anyway. So he calls me 10mins later and tells me that if he comes by he's gonna be ready to do any and everything sexually to me and doesn't know if he can control himself. "Wow" I really wanted to see him but I made it clear since we started talking again that I did not want to have sex with him. That part of my stupidity is over. I know myself and sex does nothing but open that door for my heart to fall on the floor and get stomped the fuck out again. He asked me if I still wanted him to come and I didn't know what to say. I was flip flopping back and forth until he finally said that he wasn't gonna come and would come see me before he left tomorrow. Ok, I left it at that and took my ponk ass to bed.

The next day he didn't show and I wasn't surprised.
The next day I get a text from him saying he had moved.

I told him he must have not really wanted to see me. He says that he did but he couldn't talk right now blah blah.

Man IDK..I miss him; especially since I don't know the next time i'll see him. I kinda regret turning down the peen but on the other hand i'm so PROUD of myself seeing as though how I can NEVER turn down peen from a certified dickmatizer. The way I see it, if he wants me..he'll put in the effort. Shit....

In other news...
The semester is almost over! I took my nursing research final today and I have my nursing III final next Monday. I'm posted up in my room drankin an amaretto sour and listening to ghetto ass Keyshia cole, watching New Jack City. I plan on studying my black ass off until Sunday 12am. After this shit is over me and my roomies are gonna get shit -faced-pissy-ignorant-ass-blackard-ass-dancing-on-
tables-to-yingyangtwins-sit-yo-dumbass down DRUNK!

CHILE PLEASE! No man, no peen, no school..Might as well..

What had happened was...

2008-12-01T14:22:00.005-05:00

So in between eating and playing with my G1. I spent all day Saturday shopping w/Big Boy (SJ's brother). Since it was everyones break BigBoy wanted to hang out before he went back to school and so did SJ. We all decided that we would go out later that night but things didn't work out that way... At the last minute BigBoy decides he'd rather get some ass from one of his bust it babaaays. Damn, I didn't really want to stay in the house. The angel on my right shoulder disagreed and told me to sit my ass down but the devil on my right shoulder dropped kicked her ass while I dialed SJ's number. He scooped me up an hour later and we took a ride to AC.

During the entire ride he kept saying how much he missed me and how he was sorry about how things went down. Told me how much he missed having me around as a friend. Told me how much he missed my smile and just being around me. Held my hand during the drive. He kept saying "I know you don't trust me anymore but i'm being real with you.." . He practically spilled his guts on some Ralph Tresvant sensitivity shit. The man damn near asked me to be with him. Even implied marriage..*insert side eye*

During all these confessions of love flying out his mouth i'm thinking "Damn this nigga is a liar.." and at one point I even called him an actor. He just kept em' coming, and the more he threw my way, the more I wanted to believe him..Oh how I want to believe him yall. I'm all for giving folk second chances but ain't too many helpings left after these last 6mths.

We got to our destination and in a moment of silence he grabbed me by the waist, leaned forward, and kissed me.on.my.forehead.I'm sorry Lovely.."

*spash!*

Damn, why did he have to go and do that?
Then he kissed me.
And I let him.

CHILE PLEASE-- I don't want to go backward but the breaks are failing..What's a girl to do? :(

Turkey and thangs..

2008-12-01T11:34:00.004-05:00

Hello lovlies, i'm back from my lil break that I so desperately needed.

Just a few things I did:

Ate
Ate
Ate some more..
Slept
Bought a G1
Played with my G1..♥ my phone!
Shopped
Shopped some more..
Drank some amaretto sours
Got a forehead kiss from SexyJamaican

CHILE PLEASE--Go on and give me the side eye...

Keepin up with the Jones'

2008-11-24T16:57:00.006-05:00

First i'd like to say that I try to keep up with commenting on my blog folks posts but it gets hard sometimes and a sis gets busy. I will try to make blog rounds this week cause I def miss you guys ♥

The semester is coming to a close and I couldn't be happier. I'm tired of living with a bunch of females. I need a freaking break and Thanksgiving is a few days away. My grandmom is holding festivities this year so I can't wait for all that fooooooooooooooood!

I finally got my loan check. It feels so good to have extra money in my pocket...I haven't gone on a shopping spree yet. I am definitely due for a new phone and I was thinking about the G1? Hmmm..I hate feeling like i'm trying to keep up with the Jones' but I deserve something nice. I'll probably hit the mall like the rest of the sheep on black Friday.

What else...
I have come to accept the fact that i've neglected myself in the love dept. I haven't been out on a date, to lunch. Shit..haven't even held a good conversation with a guy since July. I know some of yall are tired of hearing me yap about it but too effin bad..The thing is..I've always said I wasn't going to be that bitter girl who had her heart broken. Always said that I was too smart to get hurt. Always thought I was too strong to break down. In reality?...........I.am.that.girl.

I clearly have trust issues now and I don't know how i'm going to work through it if/when I get into a serious relationship. I've always been the one to hate when my friends were boo loving but honestly I was being a hater. Deep down I want what they have (there goes those Jones' again). Don't get me wrong, I love my single ladies (and all the wild fuckery we get into) but in a few years I wanna come home after a long day and have some strong arms greet me at the door.

CHILE PLEASE-- Amel help me out...

I saw Chocolate today

2008-11-18T14:35:00.005-05:00

My mood today has been rather melancholy. My patient was annoying, my classmates were annoying. My clinical instructor noticed how "blah" I was and let me go home early..So as I was driving home from the hospital I look over and who do I see in the opposite lane at the light? Yup, the one they call Chocolate ((something told me to go that way)). I'm not sure if he saw me but he really couldn't miss me..And if he did he didn't make eye contact. I didn't beep my horn or roll down my window..just drove on past as if i'd never met him. After telling all my friends (and blog friends) that if I saw him how I was gonna exhibit all types of fuckery and blackerdry--Nothing. Didn't stop traffic or make a scene. I was a complete zombie; in shock even. When I got back to my apt I worked out at the gym like a mad woman, took a long hot shower, grabbed a bite to eat, went to my room and cried.my.eyes out.

CHILE PLEASE- I could've sworn I was over that situation...

Vent!!!!!!!!

2008-11-13T19:22:00.007-05:00

-I want someone to take me out to dinner. Not Friday's or Applebees but somewhere i've never been. Maybe PF Changs?

-I haven't been to the movies since this past summer. Sucks. I change the channel whenever movie trailers come on...

-Haven't been shopping since earlier this yr. I have no money. Literally. Next week I get my loan check after fighting with financial aid all semester. Eff being responsible..there's this cute pink pea coat I saw in H&M..Mommas comin' for you baby!

-I don't like living with other people. I'm not washing your dirty dishes, and don't use my pots if you can't cook or wash them out afterward!

-I like being alone. To myself. In my room. Chillin--hard. Don't care if you think i'm antisocial.

-Frankly, I could give a warm fuck what most people think about me.

-Girls are so catty. It's disgusting really.

-Men are so catty. It's even more disgusting.

-Sex is not overrated, just the ppl.

-For the 93749348304859348th time. Men are stupid.

-So what i'm only 115lbs and work out. I have high cholesterol bitch! Stop looking at me like that!

-I can't stand loud ppl. They're usually the first to run when bows are throwed..

-You're too old to be fightin any damn way. Grow the eff up!

-I can't stand ppl who think they know everything. Shut the eff up!

-You don't want to be black, but you tan every day?

-Last: The pregnant "man" is a just woman with a beard!!!! Stop feeding into this fuckery!

CHILE PLEASE!--Never again will I forget the "Chile Please!" (Thanks Mimi!!)

Manfriends

2008-11-10T14:37:00.008-05:00

I swear since I moved on campus my vagina has been under attack. I'll speak to these "manfriends" when I see them but in the back of my mind i'm always thinking: "Hmph! All he wants to do is fuck me.."

And 9.99/10 times it's true. Case in point:

Bigeyes is a guy I met when I first started going here. I knew he liked me because most guys do (not that i'm conceited or anything but most dudes DO..Take it how you want) Anywho, he's been trying to get at me since I stepped foot on campus. He's a nice guy and all but nothing too the point where I wanted to date him; so i've always kept things at arms length. Especially now because he has a girlfriend.

So 3 weeks ago BigEyes got onstage at our talent show and professed his love for his g/f in a poem

"I love her"..blah blah blah
"Forget those other hoes"..blah blah blah
I LOVE YOU...blah blah bullshit

At first I was like: Wow, this blackard is really in love huh? Good for him :) So today I get a text message from him:

"Do you know how to give good massages?"

What kinda fuckery is this^^^^Guess i'm one of those other hoes *side eye*. So I didn't respond and when I saw him in the cafe 20mins later her asked if I got his message:

"Yea..."
"Why didn't you respond?"
"Sir, that's your girlfriends job.."
"She's not here today..."

I pretty much gave him the "sucks for you.." and kept it movin with my ketchups (yes I steal condiments from the cafe!)

PAUSE
II PAUSE: He's calling me right now! Hold on yall..

................................................
.....................................................
................................................
.....................................................
................................................
..............................................

Ok, i'm back.. I picked up just to see what he had to say, plus it would make this post more interesting lol. Dontcha'know this blackard just asked me again if I would give him a massage. Sir, Are.you.serious? I told his ass I wasn't a massage therapist and to throw some ice on that shit and wait till his chick gets back. Do I have bitchslutwhoreskankscallywagtrickasstrick written on my forehead? Seriously though..Do I? I told him to take a freaking nap.

CHILE PLEASE- Maybe I should walk around with a helmet so these fools will stop trying to beat me on the head.

Barack Obama

2008-11-05T01:13:00.002-05:00

YES.WE.DID!

I got a story to tell.

2008-11-03T11:55:00.014-05:00

Sorry about the teaser but I love to torture you all with suspense...This is a long post so don't be getting mad at me cause you didn't finish your work. I warned your ass! Grab the popcorn and gather round folk...

And the story goes a lil sumptin like thisssss....

So Friday night I'm getting ready for the party. I decided to go as a sexy vampire. So as i'm getting all vamped up SexyJamaican's brother Teddy, who also happens to be one of my best friends, called out the blue. Mind you, he rarely EVER calls me during the semester, so right off the bat I knew something was up. We get to chatting and I tell him i'm on my way to this Halloween party..

Teddy: Oh word? I heard you was on the flyer. Doing big things huh?!!
Me: Who told you I was on the flyer?? (Teddy is in VA for school)
Teddy: Uhh umm..SexyJamaican...Yea, I just talked to him and he is definitely gonna be in the building tonight so behave yourself
Me: Behave myself? Excuse me but i'm a [She-na-na] La-Dee! [/Martin] (I almost had to cuss him out for that comment. But I digress, that's my homie and he was lookin out for me yall..)

OK. I knew SJ might, possibly be there but Teddy had confirmed it. He also said he was bringing the "fiancee" (ugh). As I put on my bright red lipstick my hand started shaking, stomach got queasy and I started having second thoughts. No NO NO..I'm going. Fuck him!

>>Fastforward
I get to the party and immediately start scanning the room. My girl said he wasn't coming until later. So I commenced to getting tipsy. 4 Apple martini's later, tipsy is a memory as I find myself dancing with the 303480348th random guy and having so much fun I completely forgot about SJ. That is, until my girl dances up on me and says: "OK, he's here..right behind you...don't make it obvious"...

I turned around and there he was. The motherfucker that broke my heart without so much as blinking an eye. Should I throw my martini in his face? Kick him in the balls? Nah, instead I did what any broken-hearted lady would do. I flashed my most beautiful, crimson-lipped, seductive, look-what-you-missed-out-on smile at him. Not to my surprise he smiled back (he always loved my smile). Eventually he made his way over to me and asked me how I was doing..

Me: Fine..How are you? *still smiling*
Him: I'm ok..*staring*

At this point everything was a blur..From what I can remember I continued dancing with random guys (and girls lmao) right in front of his face LOL! He basically held up the wall and just kept staring at me half the damn night. At one point I asked him where his "fiancee" was because his attn was clearly focused on me. She was across the room dressed as Dorothy. If i'd had 1 more drink flowing thru my bloodstream I would've told her to click her heels 3 times and go back to Africa. But I digress, she stayed on her side of the room most of the night and didn't even say anything when I kept poking him right in front of her face. Seems to me she should have dressed as the cowardly lion after all the cunty comments she made on the innanets about "bitches hatin" when they got together. Anywho, the devil juice did take hold of me in other ways:

I kept poking the back of his neck as I walked past (he hates ppl touching his face/neck) but he just kept grinning like a cheshire cat.
In the midst of being a drunk and hot girl I managed to lose my cell phone. Guess who found it?? Yup..him. That's when I knew it was time to stop drinking LOL.
Having thought I lost my moms super-duper expensive camera I harassed the DJ into making several announcements until finally realizing I left it in the car..smh.

In the parking lot the devil juice prevailed as some blackards started fighting over lawd knows what. Probably scuffed Adidas or something. After poking SJ a few more times and FunnyGirl even biting the back of his neck for good measure we left and I never felt so good. Despite the circumstances that was the most fun i'd had in a very long time..In fact--EVER!

The next morning I get a text from..........................Yup. Asking if I made it home safe. On the way out the door I remember him telling me he was gonna get my number from Teddy cause he wanted to talk to me; but I waved it off as the alcohol talking. I guess it wasn't. He called and basically gave me a man apology (one of those apologize where he dances around the actual words "i'm sorry") He said the engagement is off but they're still technically together until he moves out of state in a few months.

"When I saw you the entire room stopped. It was just me and you..."--SexyJamaican

Somebodies been watching their soap-operas cause he deserves a Daytime Emmy after that Susan Luchi comment. He acknowledged his manipulative ways and chaulked it up to his "trust issues." Said that he was starting to trust me so he basically fucked things up between us intentionally cause he was afraid I would hurt him. It was an interesting conversation but this post is long enough. The conversation boiled down to us being 'cool' with each other and letting go of the animosity.We both got the closure that was needed and it's nice to know that we can be in the same room and furniture not be moving. In some crazy fucked up way............I miss him..and I know he misses me. But my heart keeps saying:

CHILE PLEASE--We can never be...

Witches, Goblins, and SexyJamaican?

2008-11-01T23:33:00.006-04:00

"When I saw you the entire room stopped. It was just me and you..."

CHILE PLEASE- This is gonna be a long story....

Refreshed

2008-10-30T17:18:00.004-04:00

I just got done working out. Tryna get the cholesterol down. I thought I was going to hate being all health conscious and shit but it's not that bad. Working out is addictive as hell!

Anywho, I had an ok week. The clinical rotation is getting better since i've learned how everything works. My careplans are good and I think i'm getting the idea. I'ma be a nurse yall. I can't even believe how far i've come...

Ok, so a friend is throwing a masquerade party for Halloween and guess who might be there?....................

*jeaopardy music*

*tumbleweed*

SexymotherfuckinJamaican..Her b/f is his friend yadda yadda--mutual friend fuckery. I really don't wanna get all hyped up because I honestly don't think he'll be there but i'm still going. I'm tired of not going to events he might possibly-maybeeee be in the building. Just sick of it. I'm gonna go and have a good damn time. Besides, i'm on the damn flyer for the party. Anywho, I wanted to dress up as a cop so when "Mrs. Officer" came on I could shake my skinny ass, but since I don't have the $$$ I just might do an all black ensemble and red lipstick a la Vampire. I love that new show True Blood! The acting is blah, black girl has a fucked up accent, and the white girl's name is Sookie--da fuck? Don't even get me started gay ass Lafayette LOL. My friends wanna do ball gowns and all that elegant shit but "bleh." I haven't dressed up since I was like 13. My mom bought this old lady costume to school. It was so effing em-burr-isin!!!

OH yea..I found out Chocolates mom works at the hospital I do my rotations. How awkward. I had my labcoat on and she's looking at me like "WTF is this young girl doing here?" At first she didn't recognize me and asked if I needed help..After I realized who she was I said: "Heyyy, aren't you Chocolate's mom?" After a confused look I said: "Yea, i'm the girl your boyfriend fucked over. Great job on raising such a punk ass son!:)" Well, I didn't say thaaaat, but I wanted too.. She said it was nice seeing me but I have a feeling she was just being nice. Oh well, I hope she went home and told his ass how stupid he was for letting go of such a successful young lady. Hmmph!

I will let you guys know how the weekend went as soon as I get a chance. Sorry bout the lack of updates but I gotta do what I gotta do sonnnnnn...

CHILE PLEASE- I'm not a trick so I definitely won't be treatin'..

The Vicious Cycle + The Lone Black Girl

2008-10-21T15:10:00.007-04:00

I have come to the conclusion that peen would do my body good. Ugh. Every week is something different. One week I'm "numb", the next I wanna "show up in lingerie". Da eff is wrong with me?! I thinks its a combination of lonliness, stress, and just wanting to feel a warm body next to mine..*sigh* Maybe it has something to do with my period being almost a week late And don't go *gasping* because I don't even remember what a peen looks like so pregnativity (my made up words lol) aint going down over hea! Don't worry, next week i'll be back to bitching about that other species. It's a vicious cycle. Speaking of that other species...Lets continue that cycle right about....

NOW.

Mens!
Remember SmartGuy...Yea the stalker I was telling yall about. Well he got the hint I wasn't interested and stopped texting. I see him here and there and make small talk. Well, last week I saw him in the cafe and decided that I should be nice to him. I bent down to give him a hug. Don't you know this motherfucker had the nerve to put his face in my tits!! Yes, he put his face in the lovlies!

Me: "Sir!, WTF?! that was not cool. Don't you ever do that shit again! + some other obscenities that I can't remember".

Straight embarrassed his ass in front of his lunch flunkies. I was pissed beyond the highest pisstivity! How dare that hanglip bastard have the audacity to test my limits. I could see if I was attracted to him and wanted him to put his nostrils between the lovlies, buuut Nah SON, I don't know you like that '_'. And even if I DID that shit still don't fly. I get the feeling he's one of those fools that are so used to dealing with whores and skuttlebutts that he doesn't know how to quell his blackardry in the presence of a young lady. He found me later and gave me a silly ass apology...lookin all stupid in the face! A hot triflin mess. And get this: A few days later I had a dream that he tried to rape me. Creepiest shit EVER. If that's not a sign, I don't know what is....

BlackMon's birthday was yesterday. I wouldn't have even remembered if mom didn't mention it. She hit the lotto off his birthday a few years back, so now she plays it every year. Chile Please! He ain't hardly bring me any good luck. I ~~checked~~ hacked his old blackplanet page and sure enough he still uses it (his outdated ass). He had a few notes from some ~~young ladies~~ hoodrats. This is what his page said:

"I'm halfway single (girlfriend) but don't see settling down to be one dem square niccas"

Tell me why I felt a twinge in my heart after reading that fuckery.^^It's been well over a year since i've seen him but I seriously felt some type of way for 0.125 nanoseconds. Moving onnnnn. And for the 3430480343th time. No, I haven't forgotten about the BlackMon series! Update coming soon ( I promise this time!)

School
So today was the 1st day of my advanced med-surg rotation on a trauma unit. I know i'm fully capable..no BEYOND capable of taking care of patients; but the fact that I didn't get an externship this summer and seemingly everyone else in my program DID has me feeling at a disadvantage. I hate hate HATE feeling like that. Plus, i'm the only black girl in my clinical group so naturally i'm expected to do 1,000x better than the pale skin kind. Man, I couldn't even take a freaking blood pressure without getting all nervous and fumbly (word?). I hate feeling like I don't know stuff and my instructor expected us to just go off and do everything. Mind you, this was my first rotation at that hospital so I didn't know where shit was or how the computers worked. Ugh. I just felt so incompetent. Not to mention I have a million tests this week, careplans due, papers due. Overwhelmed much? methinkso. Anyway, I called my mom today and her mommy senses must've told her something was wrong. She gave me some words of encouragement and I feel a little bit better. I took a nice hot shower, got me a soft taco, and some hot cocoa. Next time will be better. I.GOT.THIS!

CHILE PLEASE- Friday should have been here yesterday...

Study woes

2008-10-16T15:30:00.004-04:00

I'm sitting in the computer lab after I attempted to study in the cafe (you know I can't be too far away from FOOD ♥) I have a big nursing test Monday and I don't know how the hell to study for it. I think i'm suffering from burnout. I've always been a excellent student but lately I just haven't been motivated to do anything. I used to outline entire freakin chapters, color coded and everything! I was such a nerd. Now, i'm proud of myself if I skim the chapter summary. Plus i'm a procrastinator so I always blow off things until the last minute. And it's such a nice day out. I am loving this lovely weather in October (hate wintertimes, yes I said "wintertimes" lol). Okay...that's enough venting and excuses. Give me some study tips ppl!!!! I'm going to finish studying now :*(

CHILE PLEASE- I just want to graduate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fabulosity revived?

2008-10-14T16:37:00.007-04:00

I absolutely love this song/video right now!

Somebody told me she got the concept from the cute lil ole ladies back in the 60's

I personally don't give a damn if she stole it, borrowed it, jacked it..Whatever..Indeed there was a lot of twerking going on but dayum..Give her a break! Seems like she was paying homage to the original along with the art of dance. Plus this song makes me feel a little better about being single LOL.

CHILE PLEASE- I can't wait to laugh at offbeat heffas do these dances in the club (including myself LOL)

Chile Puh-lease

2008-10-11T00:20:00.005-04:00

Maybe i'm bipolar. I get really happy, then all of a sudden i'm cold/sad/angry. Nah, i'm not bipolar because theirs always something that is a legitimate impetus for my change of mood.

After all that i've been through these past 6 months I feel like no one really understands. Sure people can offer words of sympathy (and I appreciate all my lovely readers comments!) and tell you 'it's gonna be ok' but no one will ever know. Friends, family..no one truly understands exactly what the fuck i've been through over these last few months and how is has affected me. I do not tell everybody everything so I edit a lot of things regarding my previous relationships both here and offline I still don't know if I ever really got over or thru the business of having my heart broken. I thought SJ fucked my head up good; but after Chocolate, as devastated as I was, I sort of cried it out (a lot), put on a face stiffer than a mannequin and pushed it all to the side. "Fuck it" I said.."Fuck it in the ass with a sandpaper and rise it off with vinegar!" Personal relationships with friends are not as close as they once were. People were always quick to give advice on what I should do when all I wanted them to do was listen to me. Folk have done things against my wishes after I explicitly expressed my opposition. Other things I have felt passionate about have fallen on deaf ears. Chicks before dicks remember? I feel like people that i've always been honest with aren't being honest with me. Like they're holding back things that they normally wouldn't because they think it will hurt me in some way (Chile Please..i'm a grown woman). And, I feel like certain folk we're happy that I got played.

Sometimes I feel like i'm bitter. Because that sounded really bitter huh? But guess what? I am. I'm human and we're allotted these emotions; otherwise we would be empty vessels with no sense of what it means to go through life. I don't know if it's a phase but I have been colder than i've ever been. I don't smile when I see a cute guy; don't get excited when he smiles at me; don't really give a fuck if he smiles at all. Don't carry on the way I used to in personal relationships cause I don't want people close to me. Nor, do I want to know whats going on with them. I guess that's just how shit is right now until.....

until............idk.

Chile Please- I'm more numb than if I had lidocaine flowing thru my veins and arteries.

Men are like toys

2008-10-07T16:35:00.009-04:00

I'm still alive! Freaked out but i'm never going to that store alone again!

Ok, on to my favorite subject: Mens!

I haven't been on a date since Chocolate. Even after all i've been through I can't help but miss him. *Sigh* He's like the expensive toy that you begged for everyday. You got it but couldn't get the full potential out of cause you didn't have all the extra attachments so you just gave up one day. (i.e Love, Trust, Communication).

Moving onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...

Anywho, remember BigB? He's like the toy you couldn't get enough of on Christmas Day but come New Year's you were over it. Cute doll but it only says one phrase. "Sex Please" He called me yesterday out the blue. We talk on AIM every once in a blue. He recently broke up with his girl. He wants to know if we can go out when i'm not busy. But you know I always have to do my little spin on things:

Translation: My ass is in a drought and I was wondering if you could make it rain?

I didn't give him a 'yes' or 'no'; more like a 'meh'. Plus, I don't necessarily find him attractive after that hygiene incident. Don't get me wrong, he's still cool and all but I just don't wanna be bothered.

Later that night I got a text from BabyBoy asking me what I was doing. He's like the fragile doll that grandma passed down to you but set aside because it doesn't do special shit like talk, piss, or make faces; cute, boring, and scared you might break it. This baby is still tryna get me in between his power ranger sheets. He keeps saying that he doesn't have a girlfriend wants me to chill with him (suuuuuure). I was bored so I played text tag until it got a lil freaky.

Lovely: Ok, go to bed now bighead!
BabyB: I can't sleep, still wide awake Ms.
Lovely: Aw..do I need to come tuck you in?
BabyB: I think so..I think that would help
Lovely: lol. nah, i'ma stay right here. Drink some warm milk
BabyB: whoa

Yes, I admit to being a tease ;) I saw him in the hall today and snuck up on his sexy self. I sense he wanted to chill w/me but he didn't ask. Chile Please! I had a little smirk inside cause I could seriously have him sprung if I wanted too. Show up at his door with a robe and lingerie..He would lose his 20year old mind hahaha.

CHILE PLEASE! I'm ready for something new.. Tired of these old hand me down "Remember the time..." niggas. I need a brand new fresh-out-the-box smelling toy to play with!

Stalked

2008-10-06T11:57:00.004-04:00

Ok, i'll get right to it. No it isn't Blackmon or some dude not taking the hint. Some scary shit happened to me last night and I am still in shock, scared, and basically creeped the eff-out!

Last night someone followed me home to my moms house. No no no...you're not understanding. Like literally followed.me.home! I went to the supermarket at about 8:30-9ish to get some engine oil for my jalopy of a car. On the way home I was on my cell so I can't tell how long he was following me. I only noticed he was following me after I turned down the main street to my house because his lights were so bright. So, I pull into the parking lot of our complex and park front bumper first. I changed my mind and tried to back into the spot(to access my hood easier) but this mystery car with his halogen high beams pulled up on my ass so fast that I couldn't back in, and had to pull into another spot. I thought he would've kept going but he stopped at the dumpster located at the end of the parking lot. So, being the adept driver that I am I did a K-turn out the spot back toward my original spot while he's still sitting there bewildered. Next thing you know; I get out my car to rush into the house and he pulls up on the grassy side opposite the parking lot and calls me: "Hey....Hey..." I don't know if I was being naive or just plain terrified but I remember replying "Yes?!!!" with much attitude. He didn't say anything back...just stared at me. I ran into the house and told my mom what happened as he pulled out the parking lot. I was tempted to follow him and get his tags but mom wouldn't let me. OMG, I am still scared and constantly looking over my shoulder. I clearly didn't know him and he didn't know me! I swear everytime I go into that supermarket some shit like this happens. One night another man waited for me to come out the store late at night and basically bullied me into giving me his number. Another incident, this old ass rapist lookin white man ran up on me and tried to harass me. It was dark so I didn't get a good look at his face but of what I can remember he was brown skin, bald-head, medium build & driving a new silver Caddy with NJ tags. And it looks like he had on a bluetooth headset. I don't think anything will happen to me, but just in case I put it out there.

CHILE PLEASE- WTF is wrong with people!?

I can't eat what?!!!

2008-10-04T11:19:00.006-04:00

So heres the backstory; before I moved on campus I had to get a meningitis shot. The doc asked me if I wanted to get blood work done and I said what the heck. It's been a year since I got tested anyways. So 2 weeks later I get a letter in the mail saying that I need to follow up with my lab results. OMG, my heart was on the floor!!! Buuuuuuut, the letter also said it wasn't an emergency because if it was they would have called (whew!). OK, so I schedule an appointment for the following week. The little asian doc walks in and says that I have........

HIGH CHOLESTEROL?!

The normal total cholesterol is 200. Mine? 255 :(

She basically went on to say that I had to exercise and eat right for 3 mths because if it doesn't go down they wanna put me on meds. So what that means is that I can no longer can I have sour cream on my tacos, eat a whole pack of bacon (because I will do it!), marinate my delicious steaks in butter, nor put extra sharp cheese on my mac & cheese :(

I'm only 24 and I weigh 112lbs. That goes to show you that all skinny folk are not healthy! All those people telling me I could eat whatever I want, went straight to my head because; Yes, I am a certified food addict. Put anything in front of me and I will most likely eat it. Except for (ironically) oatmeal and cheerios. (Oatmeal looks like throw up and cheerios taste like cardboard!)

The next day I decided to chop down my weekly 1hr 30mins of cardio so I ran to my car. Don't you know these crackheads started laughing at me?! Talmbout: What yo' skinny ass runnin fo'? Argh! Then to make it worse they closed our gym for repairs. Lawd what is I's gonna do?! My mom nagged me to go to the store and buy Cheerios and Oatmeal (gag!). Me and my dad's girlfriend Freckles went food shopping the next day and I got turkey bacon and wheat bread. I was trying to be health conscious yall. Anywho, she brought my dad pigs feet, extra thick bacon, and poak chops. I was like WTF Freckles?! You tryna give my pop a heart attack? She said he gets mad if she doesn't buy it..smh; guess you can't change some folk. Clearly I get my food habits from him (minus the pigs feet..ugh) because my mom is extra health conscious. She's almost a vegetarian and made me eat this carrot/broccoli/celery soup with ginger and garlic yesterday (I love veggies!). But the short of it is I plan to get this cholesterol down which is why I gave my block of cheese, bacon (cry), and eggs to my roomates. I'm about to go run today. I'll be back tomorrow cause I haven't talked about mens in awhile.

CHILE PLEASE- I even forced down oatmeal this morning.

How was my weekend?

2008-09-27T23:08:00.010-04:00

Me, Smiley & Candy went out to Dave & Busters this past weekend. Smiley had broken up with her b/f a few weeks ago and Candy had broken up with hers that day so it was certified a 'Fuck em' girl, fuck em' party. I was in rare form, cussin out corny ass white boys and just acting like a certified blackard..smh. I can usually hold my liquor, but I didn't eat beforehand and ended up urling in Candy's car..OMG, I felt so bad :(

Absolut(ely NO Men!)

*deleted*

We made a toast/promise to ourselves. Mine was to not bust the windows out of Chocolate's car LOL. (lies!)

No comment.
*deleted*

that's better..Smiley kicking over traffic cones.."Fuck that, if we can't park here now EVERYBODY can!"
*deleted*

Fin!

*deleted*

CHILE PLEASE- I needed that!

The Funeral

2008-09-23T16:08:00.003-04:00

So I went to the funeral last Tuesday and needless to say I was nervous, anxious, and all those feelings that make your stomach sour. The night before i'd tried to figure out something to wear. My mom told me wearing all black was cliche' and I didn't have a decent top to go with my black slacks other than a black top..So I got up early to go to ghetto mecca of clothing: Rainbow. They opened at 10 and the funeral started at 11. So I get there at 10:01 and the heffa that opens the store refused to open the door because she was putting up baby clothes. WTF?! 3 other customers as pissed as me were ready to commence cussing her ass out until she finally decided to open the store at freaking 10:20. I swear this is one of the reasons I hate living in the ghetto. Straight ig'nance and blackardry!

Now when I got to the funeral home I saw all my aunt's and uncles..cousins standing outside. No sign of my dad. It was so weird since I haven't seen any of them in over 10 years let alone together. They don't necessarily get along...When me and my mom got out the car my aunt Betty who I haven't seen in over 10 years said "Here come the twins..." I looked just like my mom when she was young. Skinny with big boobs lol.

I gave everybody a hug and a kiss

My grandmother looked nice..At peace--finally.

My dad finally came and sat down next to me. He held my hand and I immediately started crying. I was so trying soooo hard not to cry but they just came and wouldn't stop. No matter how much I lose contact with my dad I still love him. You know when you're a kid you think your dad is Superman and nothing can hurt him. At that moment I knew he was hurting. And I realized my Superman is only human.

We went to the burial and later a get together at my uncles house. It was like a family reunion even though everyone didn't come. The food was delicious and my greedy butt had 3+ plates. OMG my cousins, we all look exactly alike! Same size, shape, same lack of booty LOL. My twin cousin made some super-duper strong strawberry daquiri's. When my dad found out I was drinking he tried to get all daddy like "Oh NO, my baby can't be drinking. She gotta drive!" He ended up telling my mom that he still loved her with his new girlfriend sitting 20ft away LOL! Then, we looked at some old pictures of our parents wearing crooked afro's and polyester suits. Our parents used to be havin' it back in the day! At the end of the night we all exchanged numbers. Everything turned out so much better than I thought it would.

*sigh*

CHILE PLEASE--Hopefully the next time we get together won't be the result of a funeral.

Friday Fuckery

2008-09-20T00:49:00.003-04:00

Thank the teenage jeebus! My week is over! Hope all my lovely readers had a good week :)

Ok so, The funeral was Tuesday and it went well (well not well...but as far as the awkwardness goes...) I'll tell you all about it cause its a long story.

My psych rotation is hilarious as I thought it would be. Picture a patient telling me I had big tits..lmao! (will elaborate on that as well)

I didn't forgot about the honest blogger award and I will be getting to my blog rounds within the next couple days. I miss yall soooo much, but a chick be busy :(

I've finally decided what to do to my nappy head so I'm braiding my hair in micros tomorrow. I finally have a desire to go out, party, drank and skank it up for a change (jackin KB's slang). I have denied myself far too long. Not to toot my horn but uhhh..TOOT TOOT! A bitch like me is too fly to be cooped up in the crib! Yahmeeeeeeeaaannnn?!

CHILE PLEASE-- I know yall get tired of logging on and seeing these half-assed posts but I-i-i's gettin to it!

Sunday Kinda Love

2008-09-14T22:45:00.010-04:00

So this weekend I was 'sposed to go out with my roomates. Here was the plan

Friday night: party in Philly.
Saturday: Temple U. Step Show

I went to neither. It's not that I didn't want to, but I simply am not up to par at the moment. Reasons being:

1.My hair is a stone cold mess. My bumpers (ghetto slang for flat irons) broke so i've been wrapping my hair for 2 weeks straight. It's pretty long but I like to be fab when I go out. No questions asked. If my hair is not done I don't feel right.

2. I can't buy a new pair of bumpers because i'm broke. Well, not completely. I did sew-in's for 2 of my roomates and micros for another friend. But that's gas money...shoot. When I like to go out I like to have $$$ to buy my own damn amaretto sours instead of having some dude babysitting me cause he copped me a drank.

3. I feel to old to party "in da club." I don't know if you guys realize this but i'm (now don't go telling nobody..) *looks around* 24 years old. Even though i could easily pass for a 17 year old, it doesn't mean I wanna dance to "She Gotta Donk." Shoot, I didn't even go to 18 & up clubs when I was 18 so why the heck would I wanna go when i'm *shhhhhh* 24

4. I didn't go to the stepshow because SexyJamaican is a Kappa and pretty much goes to every freaking greek event, and most likely participated (I heard they won). Maaaaan, I haven't seen him since that fuckery went down and I don't know how i'd react if I saw him, so lately i've been avoiding all things greek.

...Yea I got more excuses than a nilla going to jail but it is what it is...

What I did instead...
Friday night I slept
Saturday...I went over my grandmoms house. I like being around my family. My cousins have a bunch of kids and they all look like mini-me's. Its so funny and they're so effin cute. Me and LadyG are the only ones who don't have chirrens yet..
Today I went to my grandmoms house again..My aunt's BDay is tomorrow and her daughter (my cuz) cooked some baked chicken, fried fish, cornbread, rice, and stuffing! Don't forget the icecream & cake. You know I never miss out on a meal so I was there grubbin with my skinny self. On the way home (2 hours ago) I started crying out of nowhere. It was weird. A love song came on and that just made me realize that I don't have anyone calling my phone asking me how my day was. I feel like something is wrong with me since dudes keep doing me wrong..Where's my Sunday love? The kind that Etta sings about..*sigh*

Ok..on a more serious matter

My grandmother on my father's side passed away. I was not close with her and for the longest I can remember she wasn't mentally stable (Alzheimers I believe). She died in a nursing home and from what I hear she was suffering so she is in a better place now. I haven't cried. But how am I supposed to feign grief? I feel more guilty than anything because I didn't get to know her. *sigh* And wouldn't you know that my father lives on the same block as my college and hasn't called me at all?..He has my number but only seems to pull it out his memory when he needs something. I called and left a message on his phone but--nothing. You'd think he didn't have a daughter (his only child..but that a whole 'notha post). The funeral is Tuesday. I'm going.
I really have to mentally prepare myself for this family reunion. Boy, this is going to be awkward.

CHILE PLEASE- Gearing up for another week. Sunday.......Sunday come soon...

Squeezing it in..

2008-09-11T22:38:00.004-04:00

blogging that is. But ain't some delicious lookin' orange juice?

The truth is i've been reading like crazy. Reading 5-6 chapters per lecture. Ridiculous! I don't know how the eff they expect us to read all this mess. I'm certainly no speed reader and my attention span has shrunk to the equivalence of a two year old after a pack of M&M's. Your lovely one is just getting back into the swing of things with school and haven't been able to comment like I want too (even on my blog..sorry yall) I plan on squeezing a good 2 hours in my schedule Sunday to catch up 'cause I def miss my blog fam. Just a few things..

I started my psych rotation and it's been going pretty good. I sat in on a outpatient adolescent session and some of these kids are a mess. As soon as one kid sat down he pulled out a lighter he picked up off the ground.WTF!? Most of them were probably spoiled brats whose parents told them "NO" for the first time. But other kids were sincerely effed up. Like Suicide Girl, she tried to kill herself by slitting her wrists because she said she felt like no one cared. Damn, and she was a little black girl which made my heart bleed even more for her...*sigh* Then I sat in on an adult session that was something like an AA meeting. I love the candor of people with addictions so i'm definitely thinking about looking further into it.

I've been eating like crazy. This campus food must have crack sprinkled on top of it because I can not stop eating! The other day I freaking rib eye steak for lunch and got mad when I realized they had a taco bar I missed out on. Greedy! I'm only 115lbs but ya girl might be squeezing into some jeans before this semester is over lmao.

Ok, enough with school..

There's been no men in my life. Well, I guess BabyBoy counts. He lives on campus and I know his ass couldn't wait till I got here. I saw him yesterday before my class and he told me he finally got a car. I joked with him that he could take me back to Applebees so I could get him back for the stunt he pulled. You see, the last time we went he told the folk it was my birthday (it wasn't) and they came out clapping and singing with a big ole chocolate cake thingamajig. So embarrassing! (how cute of him though:) Anywho, my roomate Smiley told me he had a girlfriend so I asked him just to confirm; to which he responded "Something like that..yea theres something going on..."

Translation: Yea I have a girlfriend but I want my cake, pie, icecream and eat it too. Preferably off of your naked body..
Yea, he's a sweetie but even sweeties can be sweet little dogs. I told him I couldn't come between him and that chick. Da eff I look like getting in some silly college drama?! Chile Please! and NO thank you. He texted me later that night to ask what I was doing. He gots no reply from me. I'm keepin it friendly from this point on.

Ok, i'm getting ready for bed now. Gonna cuddle up with my pink body pillow, & love-a-lot bear (lol) Got a full day of lecture then clinical, then my roomies wanna drag me to a party right after. Sigh. Pray for me yall..

CHILE PLEASE--Love-a-lot bear can't hug me back. Where is my man? :(

BlackMon go away. Don't come back another day!

2008-09-09T13:16:00.004-04:00

So lets get straight to it..

This past Sun I went to pay mom a visit. When I got back to my apartment she called and asked if I knew someone named "Aaron". Apparently some dude came to the door and asked for me by name. Hmmm. "No, I don't know anyone named Aaron offhand, let me get back to you.." So I thought about it and it finally hit me. BlackMon has a friend by that name. I think it's Adrian, or Arian..or something similar. Anywho I asked my brother what the dude looked like and it was a match. This motherfucker has ppl knocking on my door for me! He doesn't even have the balls to do it himself because my mom would probably call the cops on his bum ass. I haven't talked to him since this. He probably just got out of jail or something. After knowing him for 10 years i'm 100% sure this is an attempt to see me or rekindle some shit that died out years ago. I swear ass is more unstable than a schizophrenic off his meds with two broken legs. The semester just started and I do NOT want to deal with his ass. He knows what college I go and I pray he doesn't see my car. *sigh*

CHILE PLEASE--I wish I never met him..

Stalkers and WacArnolds

2008-09-06T11:53:00.007-04:00

Classes started this week for me and I haven't really felt any two ways about it. On one hand this is probably one of the hardest of the 4 semesters required for nursing school but I.Got.This! At the beginning of each semester we have to take this med-calc quiz in order to stay in the program which always scares me a bit but I ended up passing on the first try! Like I said. I. Got. This!

So, sitting in my room sometimes can be a drag. I'm happy that I have the space but I get so lonely when my roomates have company over :( I want somebody to hold onto at night ya know? And not any of these baby boys on campus smh..

Speaking of which: I met this guy, we'll call him SmartGuy. He's a transfer student so being the doll that I am I showed him around campus. Gave him my number (why o why did I do that??!!) He started telling me how he wanted to move on campus yadda yadda and wanted to know how the apartment layout.

Scruuruuuuruuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. In man words: I want to see your room, your bed, and eventually the innermost softness your poom poom.

NO! So I stopped replying to his text messages, phone calls after about 2 days. The other night don't you know this fool sent me a half nekkid pic of him. Ummm. Creepy. The next day I saw him in the cafe and told him not to send me shit like that. His corny ass tried to say he meant to send it to someone else. I told him to stop lying because that shit was creepy and I didn't appreciate it. What kind of slutbagwhoreskank do you think I am? Did you think you'd get a snapshot of the mammaries in return? The luscious poom poom perhaps? Dog, uno yaself! He apologized and told me it wouldn't happen again but that shit is a wrap. He texted me a few more times with some ole reverse psychology "Oh you not replying cause you're so busy..that's wsup..means you're a go-getter." Nah, son..I'm not replying cause yousa damn stalker! I'm so done it's not even funny. He had some potential but naw B..I can't fuck with stalkers.

What else...

Yesterday I had a full day. Lecture in the A.M and clinical in the P.M. Nursing from sun up to sun down. By the time I got back the cafe was closed so I figured i'd go to McDizzles and rack up on the dollar menu (cause a sis is broke). Anywho, I get there and it's maybe 3 cars in front of me (not too bad) and wait for at least 5 mins before some hoodrat hops on the mic. Mind you this is the ghetto and blackardry is to be expected.

"Can I take your order?"
"Yea, let me get a McChicken sandwich and a medium fry"
"We aint' got McChicken"
"Ummm..wtf? Ok, hold on one sec *figuring out what I want*"
"OK..let me get a double cheeseburger and medium fry"
*silence for another 3 mins*
*Ms. Lovely gets pissed*
"Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!wtf!"
"I can't hear you"

No cars were moving and at this point I was so hungry that I just pulled off. When I got around to the side door the cops were there and some blackards were fussin and cussin about their order. Apparently the reason why the drive thru wasn't moving. I haaaaaaaaate living in the ghetto! I have the worst experiences with fast food. A few years ago on my old blog I talked about the WacArnolds incident, and I even had problems at Wendy's. I stormed back to my room mad and hungry. SJ's brother and his friend were up from VA for the weekend. They were headed to some party and even though I really didn't feel like entertaining company I let them come up and bring me food and ack-a-hol. Watched some Conan O'Brien and took my punk ass to bed. That was my week this far. I haven't gotten to my blog rounds but i'll check yall out eventually..

CHILE PLEASE- I'm chillin like a villian..

All settled..

2008-09-02T13:20:00.008-04:00

Well almost. Still have a few things to unpack. I moved in Saturday/Sunday. My mom helped me with most of the heavy lifting. When it was all said and done mom looked like she was ready to cry (mind you i'm only 15 mins away)..But i'm her baby so that's to be expected with me leaving the nest. I had to re-assure her that her lovely one would fare just fine. She took me out and brought me a bunch of stuff at Target (best store EVAR!) I went home for Labor Day and chilled with my cousin who you all know as FunnyGirl, but will get to know as LadyG because I helped her set up her first blog! It's called Eat My Cookiez (props for the banner go to moi:) Go support and get yourself some of those good cookies before she runs out! She made an attempt at whipping up some Curry Chicken, beans and rice and it was scrump-diddly-umptious! I swung past my moms house and she had some ribs & greens waiting for me. Lawd they tryna fatten me up yall!
If feels so good to live on my own. I have 3 roomates and I think we'll all get along well:

Smiley- She's a sweetheart. After I unpacked my stuff she knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to go over the bridge to Philly and walk around the city. I was too tired so we ended up having a few drinks and watching the STD festivities aka "I Love Money" and getting to know eachother..Goodtimes!
Note to self: Although you can handle your drank DO NOT mix light and dark EVER again!..My head was spinning like the exorcist.

Candy- She's one of the only other black girls and in my program and one of the reasons I moved down here in the first place. We can study together and just wild out! Love that girl...

Mystery- The reason I call her mystery is because I just met her this morning after being her for almost a week. We tried to get another girl as our roomate but Mystery said she wasn't moving. I felt a little bad that we were tryna oust her already but it is what it is. Anywho, Smiley and Candy said she stays to herself. I knocked on her door last night to introduce myself and be friendly but she didn't answer. Okkkaaaay. Then this morning I was brushing my teeth and she stuck her head out the door and said "Hi". Idk..maybe she's going through some thangs but then again i'd keep to myself if nobody wanted me there in the first place.

Ok, I think that's all for today. I'm waiting for LadyG to come see my apartment cause lawd knows I need company. I get all lonely waiting for my roommates to get out of class. All i've been doing is eating, sleeping, eating, and eating...lol. I start class tomorrow so i'm gonna

CHILE PLEASE- Let the late night study session begin!

Pass The Love

2008-09-01T16:52:00.003-04:00

Ok, so the always lovely Eb listed me as one of her favorite blogs. So here is my list of blogs that I ♥

Rules are:
1. The winner can put the logo on his/her blog.
2. Link the person you received your award from.
3. Nominate 7 other blogs.
4. Put links of those blogs on yours.
5. Leave a message on the blogs of the people you’ve nominated

1. So Much Drama In The LBC
Like most blogs I stumbled across his after he left a comment. Now when I logged on his blog wasn't all fancy smancy and he isn't big on puncuation but then I started reading and could not stop. His posts are hilarious! Point blank. Whether its him talking about his sister's Ginuwine lookin' ass boyfriend or just something totally random, I can always relate to all of his stories in one way or another. You should too...

2) B (Rantings of a Rebella)
I consider her my long lost telepathic e-sis because her posts sometimes mirror my thoughts to a TEE. Not to mention she also shows my inept make-up wearing self how to get fly on her other blog Clumps of Mascara

3) Deja (Cool Glass of Dejanade)
Ok, She cracks me the hell up..I love the randomosity of her posts; especially when she talks about random dudes and old ass white men tryna holla, not to mention the girl has a fierce ass wardrobe.

4) Karrie B
Ok, she makes my social life look like wack juice and her pic posts are the best. I love her fashion sense and her tell-you-to-your-face attitude. I would love to hang out with her and do all types of hood rat stuff. Plus anyone who says things like "baby whores" is cool with me..

5) E (Eclectik-Relaxation)
I ran across his blog not too long ago and I was thinking "who is this bald-head man??" So I read....and read.....and read. His posts are so random and I love it. Plus his music taste is the shiiiiiii (despite the LL/top 5 debate lol). His outlook on us women is funny. Pluuuus, he has a messageboard. He's like my boyfriend in my head.

6) A.M (A.M. In Every Day)
Omg, I had the sad face on for a second cause I thought she deleted her blog. Come to find out she changed her url so update your blogrolls ppl. Ok on with the mushiness..Lovely chick and a seems like a down to earth college girl. Plus shes local (and I get all excited when I see a close bloggette lol).

7) One Man's Opinion (Look At This Nigger)
Ok, the title alone had me cracking the hell up from jump. His cop stories are hilarious and it's nice to get his perspective on things as well as pointing out the blackerdry* that goes on with our people.

*The Blackards(blackardry, blackerdom)- My made up word for those "N" words

Now if I didn't list you please wipe that frown off your face because I love all my blog fam!

Who knew

2008-08-30T23:09:00.002-04:00

moving could be so difficult.

CHILE PLEASE--I am exhausted.

Quick Post

2008-08-27T18:43:00.004-04:00

Hola Lovlies..I am running around like a chicken with the head cut off trying to get stuff ready for school. I had orientation for my Psych rotation so I had to get up stuuuupid early after not being able to fall asleep all night. I will get around to passing the love (thanks Eb!)..

About to go get me some funnel cake and try to pack the rest of my crap, and listen to some music

CHILE PLEASE-- Give me the green liiiiiiight..I'm ready to go right now..

3 Stacks is one weird sexy momofuffa!!

Fuckery

2008-08-25T19:08:00.008-04:00

The one word that describes my life right now.

Didn't do much of anything this weekend. I'm packing to move into my apartment. I never realized I had so many clothes, not too mention twice as many shoes! And all these books that the bookstore won't take back,ugh! Ebay here I come..Otherwise, i'm looking forward to this move. I've been away from home before but this will be the 1st time i've moved out. I won't be far (20mins away).. After graduation I don't think i'll be back. Me, her, and two hormone-laced know-it-all teenagers..NOPE! Can't do it anymore. I almost killed my stupid ass sister yesterday because of her stank attitude. She's still mad about me not being able to do her hair. After I picked her up from work she walked in the door first and slammed the door in my face. It took everything in my not to take her by her hair and fling her out the window. Cursing and carrying on with my mom standing right there..smh. IDK where the she gets her attitude but she pissed me off so bad I told her she wasn't my sister anymore..Felt a little bad at first but that little heffa is too ungrateful...I cannot stand her. I'm getting so fucking tired of arguing with people. It's almost too the point where I just rather not deal with it and ignore you. I wish life came with a remote control like that movie Click. I'd put mad people on MUTE. Maybe even delete a few folk. My brother is cool; about to go to highschool next week and I know those little fast girls are going to be all over him. He looks like a young Kobe Bryant..only cuter. Feel bad for my mom dealing with those two knuckleheads...

I've been thinking about my future a lot lately and I feel like my clock is tick-tick-ticking away. By this time next year I should have a secure career making good money. I'm gonna be on my way to certified adulthood yall. For some odd reason or another all I can think about is how my family is going to be. Who will I marry? How many kids will we have? (God better think twice before giving me daughters because the moment she talks out the side of her mouth i'm sending her ass right back to him) Will.I.be.HAPPY?....All these scenarios have been playing in my head. Baby showers, births, my wedding,..all of this. I feel so alone right now.

CHILE PLEASE- I know that wasn't remotely entertaining but that's how I feel mayne...

My services are no longer free

2008-08-22T15:26:00.006-04:00

No, i'm not selling my ass for cash. I usually don't do 2 posts in a day but this shit right here......

My sister asked me to re-braid her hair in individual (booty braids) for school. Mind you, I JUST put micros in her head 2 weeks ago. She has a little part-time job now so she can pay for the hair and i'll usually do it for free cause you know......that's family right?

Well, not anymore. She asked me could I do the individuals next weekend and I told her "NO". I have to move into my apartment and with school starting I won't have time. Plus like I said, I JUST put micros in. I told her to wait the following weekend and I should be free. Well, this little heffa gonna catch an attitude and start arguing with me talmbout: "Well, you can do everybody else hair when they ask..blah blahimaspoiledlittlebitch blah." Damn right I do and the reason is because they PAY me. I braid pretty fast so it only takes me 6 hours; but that's 6 hours i've wasted for free vs making $$$. You're not contributing to me having early arthritis for free because you wanna be all fresh to death on the first day of school..fuckouttahea!

The thing is, I was going to do it for free but since she wants to act like a little bitch I informed her she will now have to pay for my services or find somebody else. Family is a trip..

CHILE PLEASE- And her school major got the nerve to be Cosmetology..Learn how to braid ya own damn hair!

Q & A Friday

2008-08-22T10:42:00.007-04:00

I got these Q's over at Eb's spot. Haven't done one of these in many moons so what the heck:

1. What's your favorite song to have sex too.

I don't really like to have sex with music playing cause it distracts me from the task at hand. I like to hear all the moans and groans and "Oooo's" and "Ahhhh's". Whew, i'm getting myself worked up but that's a whole 'notha post chile. Anywho, if I had to choose it'd beeee:

Its Getting Late - Floetry

2. What's your drag name?
Hmmm..I never really thought about that. I'd have to go with Chocolate Deluxe. Not really "draggy" but it's safe and beats CremeBruLay as given by the drag name generator lmao

3. In the film of your life, who will play you?
Well, since I think i'm often the underdog, I'd have to go with Thandie Newton or N'Bushe Wright. Both actresses are very underrated and sometimes overlooked. Now, Thandie looks nothing like me (besides the fact that we are both super skinny) but she is such an intense actress and lawd knows Ms. Lovely has been through some intense things. N'Bushe is another great actress that gets overlooked. All her roles come off as believable and passionate. I wanted to jump out that dumpster blastin with her on Dead Presidents.."Anthonyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

4. What is one thing you would change about yourself?
Procrastination. If you think you're the queen of it, I am the Empress. For some reason I leave everything to the last minute. Whatever it is, always gets done but at the last minute. It's not a good trait to have, especially when it comes to financial matters. Thanks the baby jeeebus for deferment because I am so not ready to pay off these student loans :(

5. What's your status message on your preferred social networking site?

Facebook- Phone is outta commission..holla@ me on the innanets. And yes, I am still very much in ♥ with David Oliver.

Personal Myspace - No status there. Left that blank cause I have too many men waiting for me to put up a "Woe is me..I hate men" status so they can pounce. I haven't even changed my relationship status..Gawd knows I do not want to be bothered with that species right now.

Ok, this is the last weekend I have before school starts. I don't really have $ to go out and party it up but i'll find something to do--hopefully. Maybe i'll guilt LongHair into footing the bill for my last summer hoo-rah since she introduced me to that lame. Have a good weekend Lovelies!

Chile Please--All I need is an amaretto sour and a dance floor..

I have a new boyfriend!

2008-08-21T14:51:00.007-04:00

In my mind anyway.

Now, I haven't really been tuning into the Olympics regularly; and when I do it's usually for the races and some gymnastics (those little flat chested girls are so flexible!). So last night i'm watching the mens 110m hurdles and the man of my dreams crossed the finish line. I have not picked up my jaw off the floor since.

David Oliver

Handsomeness! I immediately hopped on the comp and proceeded to find a new desktop background. In the midst of my stalking I also ran across his blog! So not only is the man talented and all around sexy; He can express himself. I swear I haven't had a crush like this since Marques Houston was "Batman" lol.

Chile Please! He can jump my hurdles anytime! (corny I know)

Leaves At My Feet

2008-08-20T12:45:00.007-04:00

So I finally found out the reason Chocolate decided to drop off the face of the galaxy (sorry Torrance but I gotta get it out lol). I was talking to my homegirl LongHair yesterday and she told me she saw him 2 weeks ago at Melo's job and confronted him. Chocolate said he was having problems with his phone and couldn't call (LIES. He could've gotten my # from Melo). LongHair told him he wasn't right and that he could've handled the situation better. She went on to say how disappointed she was because the only reason she gave him my number in the first place is because she thought he was a mature dude. Well what did he say?..This is what he said yall

Choc:"I tried to tell her..."
LH:"How?"
Choc"Well, I told her I wasn't used to being up under ppl everday and she caught an attitude.."

Ok, I did at first...but as you can recall I gave his ass 2 weeks to himself. Whatever. I also told him that I didn't want to be up under him everyday either. Didn't want to make him feel like he had to check in and compromised w/him. Told him that if we weren't going to see eachother everyday that he should at least communicate with me, all of which he agreed too WTF?! I had to *woosah* for a second... (it does work Eb! lol)

She finished tellin Chocolate about his self and he just sat there--silent. LongHair gave him my number but of course he hasn't called. After he left Melo said Choc was probably pissed cause he doesn't like ppl in his bidness. Well ya know what? If you handled your bidness like a man..............................................................................................

My last text was to him was over 2 weeks ago forgiving him and myself, hope he is well..Pretty much took the high road..

And as if a sign from God something told me to finally watch Madea Goes To Jail (all late!). I had seen all the Tyler Perry movies but never watched the play. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I have have have to get to one of these plays. She is so damn funny and speaks so much truth. This part had me laughing and crying at the same time:

Chile Please! No more lifetime expectations for seasonal people.

Please Excuse My Hands

2008-08-18T15:11:00.012-04:00

And now that I have your undivided attn ladies (and some gents lol). How was your weekend lovlies? Mine was otay. Nothing spectacular. Almost fought a 250lb dude over my sister, cussed out a neighbor or 2, saw The Dark Knight (all late!)..the usual. But here's the reason why I was feeling naughty this past Friday (teehee). This post is a little long so grab some popcorn, cigarette, babysitter perhaps?

Back story
I used to work at a bank last year. It was a pretty mundane and repetitive job and I was probably one of the few black folk working there until in walks Mr. Fineness one January morning. The name pretty much says it all but let me give you a visual: Mr. Fineness is about 6'0" of chocolate, dresses very dapper, smells delicious, and has a great personality to top it off. I was absolutely in lust from the moment he walked in the door. Anywho, we chatted it up and got to know eachother; ended up going out to a few clubs and parties with friends; pretty much platonic-ville. As a matter of fact he's the co-worker that introduced me to that fugazie negro LightBright. So a few months go by and he ends up hooking up with this girl Pecan that we worked with. No hate (well, maybe just a smidgen), I was cool with Pecan and I was genuinely happy for them. But that didn't mean I couldn't fantasize about having sexytimes with him in the safe deposit room (I even had a dream about it lmao). Anywho, I left that job and pretty much gave up all hope of ever leaving platonic-ville with him, although we kept in contact via email and updated each other on our love/life situations and whathaveu.

>>Fastforward to last Friday
I took my sister to buy some clothes in the plaza I used to work. I didn't feel like playing fashion expert to lil sis so I took a trip over to catch up with Mr. Fineness. We chatted it up and I told him what happened with Chocolate. I didn't ask him about Pecan at that moment even though he told me they were having some problems. He recently moved into an apartment right around the corner from my house (you follow where this is going?...) and told me to hit him up if I ever wanted to chill, drink, get away. He was getting off work soon and suggested that I come over and see the apt and chill. Hmmm...I thought. I flipped it and told him that he should call me instead because I wasn't sure of his status with Pecan.

1hour later...
As i'm blog browsing I get a call from noneotherthaaaaan..asking me to come over and chill. I thought about it. Should I? Why shouldn't I? Couldn't really come up with a reason that I shouldn't and by then was annoyed with myself for thinking too much. So off I went. I get there and he opens the door with no shirt. Ummmm. Wow. This little visit was proving itself to be yet another episode of fuckery in my life. After picking up my chin off the floor, I composed myself and in true Lovely fashion brushed it off with a joke about him having a bird chest. I thought we were going to sit in the living room but we ended up watching a couple movies and music videos in his bedroom (ummmmmm). The sexual tension was ca-ray-zeeee. Trying to avoid the inevitable I was sitting so far off the bed that I could have easily fell and embarrassed myself. To avoid that, he gave me a pillow and pulled me closer. As Mrs. Doubtfire dropped her false teeth into the wineglass, Mr. Fineness' hands started to roam..thru my hair(mmm)..stroking the nape of my neck(ahhh)..and on to boobageland(whoa!). The man was trying to get some afternoon delight yall. I pulled his arm away

"Are you still with Pecan?"...
"No, we broke up recently...but we still talk."

I told him I wouldn't take it there with him. I can't. I couldn't. Even though I was 0.125 seconds away from committing a first degree rape on his ass we lay there some more. Even if I wanted to make sexytimes with his fine self my period was a-droppin so he couldn't come a-knockin anyway (one of the reasons I decided to come over in the 1st place). Plies "Please Excuse My Hands" video (how appropriate!) came on and once again his fingers started to roam. I jokingly pulled his card and told him he was just trying to get some afternoon delight because my ass was all vulnerable and shit. We both tried to laugh it off but this time he stopped the finger olympics. We didn't even kiss. I excused myself to the bathroom and noticed that Pecan's toothbrush was still there *sigh* He ended up having to run some errands and I went home a little conflicted. I told him I would contact him and vice versa. So awkward. On the drive home one part of me was feeling a little slutty? whorish? skankish even. I knew what I was getting myself into going over there in the daylight of broad lol. And what if I end up seeing Pecan around? Could I smile in her face or give her a hug even? The devil dancing on my opposite shoulder reveled in the fact that I could have him if I wanted after all this time. Shoot, even though me and Pecan are cool, we were never that cool. Plus she's not even with him with him anymore. Shoot, Ms. Lovely doesn't usually play the bad girl in these situations but this would be a good story to tell my grandkids. I don't know what to do but that cuddle session was exactly what I needed to get my mind off of the chocolate one. I haven't talked to him since but he sent me a few chain emails from work this morning. Damn Mr. Fineness, why you gotta be so fine!??!

Please speak on it ladies and gentlefolk..

CHILE PLEASE--I ain't one for stealing but does it count if I forgot it was in my cart?

Needles & Open-faced tomato sammiches

2008-08-15T13:08:00.007-04:00

This week has been the longest week EVER for some reason. TGIF..

I went to get this meningitis shot earlier today before I move into my campus apartment. I drove all the way to the docs office only for them to tell me that my insurance wasn't listed with them and that I had to reschedule or switch my primary to them. Ugh! I thought my primary was them. My mom switched it over again. Anyway i'm not too angry because I made another appt with my primary..whatev.

I couldn't help but notice the neighborhood my doctor is located is a page straight out of Crackerville, USA. I see these stay at home dads running with their spoiled kids in 3 wheeled strollers. Eating their open-faced tomato and mayo sandwiches and strolling carelessly in their overtly expensive Liz Claiborne pants suits. The mall is adding on 50 extra stores and a parking garage. A freaking parking garage!!! Yet, just a couple towns over in my hometown, one of the poorest in the nation, folk don't even have but one supermarket, streets are nothing but potholes and pregnant teenagers roaming the streets. Made me so mad I wanted to run a "Suzanne" or "Brett" the fuck over in my little jalopy..I get like that sometimes when I think about how my people live. But then I remember I shouldn't be complaining about such matters rather doing something to alleviate the situation..right? smh

I came on my period after being 5 days late. All the stress from Chocolate got me off..My period usually lasts for 3 or 4 days. Wouldn't it be lovely if it just lasted 1 day? Just *gush*--The end. And why the hell are tampons so damn expensive? I should be using pads but they feel like diapers to me. *squishsquish* everytime you walk. Plus at night I don't need to be worrying about if i'm gonna wake up with my sheets looking like i've been brutally stabbed.

**I did this draft earlier and I just came back from almost doing something I probably had absolutely no bidness doing. I'll tell ya 2morrow..

CHILE PLEASE- I am such a naughty girl . And I love it!!!! mhahahahahahhaahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Insomnia Randomness

2008-08-12T23:34:00.007-04:00

1. Today I wanted soda so bad. I loves me some Pepsi! Not Coke. Just good ole burn-your-stomach Pep-si. I won't even get into how my 8th grade trip was to a sewer plant. Then the teacher had the nerve to take us to McDonalds afterwards. ugh. Since then me and faucet water do not get along. The only time I really drink water is when.
a) I'm getting sick
b) I'm on the brink of dehydration
c) I have no choice
Anyway, this soda has my ass wired up. Blogging on the latenight (teehee)

2. I miss that damn Chocolate. I really don't know why he stopped calling. We met through mutual friends so i'm pretty sure someone knows why. I asked his homeboy Melo (who is currently trying to date my close friend Brownie) and he said he didn't know anything even though he's with Chocolate on the daily. *sniff sniff* I smell BULLSHIT! Acting like he was all concerned and ish. He knows why but doesn't want his pussy plans to be ruined with Brownie. Then, I got my girl LongHair who gave Chocolate my number from jump and now she claims she doesn't wanna get involved. You see... she is good friends with Melo (your head hurt yet? haha). Anyway, I asked her to dig up some info and she said that she'd "blabbed her mouth on Melo 1 too many times" and didn't want him to get mad at her. What!? You don't want Melo to get mad? WTF?! I wanted to jump thru the phone and slap her for that one. What happened to Chicks Before Dicks??? You see me hurting out this bitch, voice all hoarse, loosing weight and whatnot and u won't even ask some damn questions?! I swear i'm about to cut everybody.the.fuck.off!

3. I'm slowly becoming addicted to HGTV. I can't wait to become a homeowner one of these grown up days. I can't wait to have my pink pool table (yes pink damnit)

4. I can't wait to go back to school and get this over with. I am so sick of these ppl in my nursing program thinking they know every-effin-thing! I passed one of our hardest test last semester and this white bish gonna say"OMG! How'd you get that grade?!" ..."Ummm, I studied like you shoulda did instead of playing beer pong all night you stupid bitch" Ok, I didn't say that but I can't stand them snooty white heffas.

5. I want these sheets for my dorm room. I have suddenly become obsessed with all things zebra print. Such a tacky gal!

6. I want sex.

7. I need sex.

8. Did I mention I want and need some sex?

9. I've been browsing blogs all day long. I discovered Eclectik tonight..I love love lovvve his blog. What's that you say? I'm late? Yea, I know. I love the randomness of his posts and his musical selection is fire. I got that Jean Grae "Whatever" on repeat.."A slice-a cake? I'll do anything for you boy.."

10. I started up a MYSPACE page for you curious Georges and Georgettes that wanna sneak peak at the Lovely One. I have like negative 1000 friends so do me a favor and add me so I won't look like such a loser. And don't forget to please nominate me for BEST PERSONAL BLOG. Thanks lovlies!

Chile Please!- Time for me to watch HGTV and try not to play with myself.

Club Nonsense

2008-08-11T16:47:00.000-04:00

Oh yea...so remember I was 'sposed to go out with DanaDane..well after a few text messages and calls she said that she was having car trouble and a rain check was in order. No prob, even though I had my mouth set on some steak fajitas. So what was a girl to do? I definitely didn't wanna stay in the house and sulk over Chocolate's stupid big head ass. So me and Teddy went out and got drunk at this local white folk/old head spot. It was ladies night and free so we figured, what the hell? He's off to Norfolk next week for school and we haven't gotten stupid drunk together all summer. After we got tipsy I decided to make my way to the dancefloor. My shy behind usually won't dance alone but Teddy wanted to hold the wall. I said "fuck these ppl" and got myself bodied. The DJ was mostly wack juice but he played a few party starters. Eventually, I got Teddy to dance and he had fun. Just a few observations:

1. Dear 50+ black couple on the floor dancing like stone cold fools all freaking night: All that hippin and hoppin in the corner. Go sit down somewhere before you have a heart attack!
2. Dear Ms. Lesbian: I do not want your girlfriend so stop screwfacing...with your Midget Mac lookin self!
3. Dear Big Boy on the sideline: Why you looking at me with the stank face? Like i'm a vegetable and shit..
4. Dear Black business man: Sir, why do you have on a suit with cut off sleeves in this hot ass club? And that box fade...Looking like something from 1992..smh
5. Dear Bougie Bonton chick: Stop staring at me and finish sippin on your wine. I don't want his cut off sleeve wearin ass!
6. Dear Drunken black girl duo: Stop it. You're embarrassing yourselves.
7. Dear Lovey Dovey couple: No, I do not want to see you "make love in this club." Get a room!
8. Dear old white lady: The mullet is not fashionable and neither are your dance moves. Go head with that Napoleon Dynamite shit.
9. Dear Young Black Dude: I wanted to dance with your fine ass but you just had to bring your ugly ass girlfriend!
10. Dear Lawyer White Man: You can offer to pay my tuition all you want, I still won't sleep with you. Go'head with your creepy bald in the front pony-tail wearing ass!

Chile Please- Please don't make me point you out too. Behave yourself up in these clubs.

Aunt A's lesson

2008-08-11T12:14:00.001-04:00

First off I want to say RIP Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes. An old co-worker texted me the news about Bernie Mac. Just the night before a friend told me he was getting worse and I argued that I heard he was getting better. It took me awhile to actually believe it until I saw and read it. Even though we didn't know him, he felt like everyones favorite funny uncle.

Which brings me into today's post

My grandmom had 5 daughters. I have no maternal uncles. Just 4 crazy, funny, adventurous, and sometimes tragic aunts. I have to give yall a little background before I go into my story:

Aunt A- She's the oldest and loudest. I don't think i've ever heard her be quiet cause he mouth is always running like a marathon. She reminds me of actress Debbi Morgan. Unfortunately, Aunt A has some problems. I don't know when it started but my guess is after her husband tried to stab her to death 20 years ago. After that she went down south, and came back with a southern accent and a drug problem. My grandmom says she was so smart and outgoing before that happened. She doesn't have any children, either as a result of the stabbing or God just saw how short her fuse was way too short for children.

Mom (Lee)- She's the most quiet of them all. She very shy in public and she most def passed some of that to me. She's so pretty. When she came to my highschool ppl would ask if she was a model. Now, for her it's all about work work work-and church. I guess you can say she's family oriented. She has 3 kids (moi is the oldest), my 17 yo-i-think-im-grown sister, and my 13yo-i'm -just-2-cool brother. I have a diff father than my brother and sis. My mom has no man at the moment. She let her last man, Mr. Controlling, go. She is now waiting for God to send her the right one. I'm the oldest so i've watched my mom grow and overcome domestic violence and all types of fuckery that I probably shouldn't have witnessed. More to come on that later...

Aunt Freck- She's the middle child. She has 2 adult children. She doesn't look like the rest of my aunts because she has a diff father. I heard this made her feel out of place and she has a little animosity about it because she looks a lot diff than all my other aunts. When I was younger she used to think she was Salt from Salt-n-Pepa cause she always had her hair spritzed up with a cute outfit on. Definitely fashionable. I can always borrow a cute bag or pair of shoes from her. Right now she is back in college and getting her life on track. She's into religion now but sometimes she can be judgemental or try to push it on folk. It gets annoying sometimes.

Aunt Tee- She's the next in line. Has 2 adult sons. Say's she always felt like she was the ugly duckling until she grew up and learned how to do make up and hair. She's so beautiful with high cheek bones that reminds me of Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford. She should have owned her own beauty shop. Everyone knows and loves her. One of the most creative, funny, silly, and outspoken people you would ever meet. Unfortunately she battles with the same problem as Aunt A. For years she's found a way on and back off that wagon. She was my favorite aunt growing up. I could go to her and tell her anything and she wouldn't judge me. Aunt Tee used to hook my hair up with all the hot ghetto weaves lol. For the last few years she's been off the wagon but I think she's coming closer to wanting to come clean again..

Aunt Spirit - She's the baby and most successful. She has 2 masters degrees in Psychology and a great paying career. She owns her own house, has a nice car, and drives a motorcycle(lol). She has 3 adult daughters and if you stand her next to them you couldn't tell them apart. She had them when she was a teenager but didn't let that stop her from pursuing her dreams. She's a free spirit; always acting silly and having fun despite whatever situation she's going thru.

Ok, so those are my crazy aunts.

This weekend, Aunt A had a house warming party. She recently moved out of my grandmoms house into a small apartment in the projects. Definitely not the place she needs to be but a blessing nonetheless. My mom went to the dollar store and brought a bunch of household items and made baskets (my mom is the basket QUEEN)..It was so nice. Someone brought a dvd player and speakers. She was so happy..So I was feeling crappy again but I was trying to hide it this time. Aunt A pulled me outside and asked me what was wrong and I immediately broke down like a big baby. She told me she could see it on my face..I don't know how, but she did. She recalled the story of her ex-husband stabbing her and that made me sob even more. "You just like Lee...When you love. You love hard. You need to know that these men can be dogs out here...you have to be a cold hearted bitch sometimes. Don't give too much of yourself..Make them motherfuckers work and sweat for what they want." She preached more truth that would take awhile to put into words. My situation is nothing compared to hers and it made me realize how hard her life has been. I mean, shit..who wouldn't have problems if their own husband tried to kill them? At that moment I stopped judging my aunt and started to sympathize with her. All these women in my family have so much knowledge and I need to take advantage and appreciate it and not make the same mistakes. I pray for the day she will recognize her full potential. I think its going to be soon because she's been going to church with mom lately and can't get enough of the word.

Whew... i'm done being Oprah today.

Chile Please- I love my crazy aunts.